


A Simple Favor

by emalemaleigh



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Bulimia, Eating Disorders, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Meet the Family, Mental Health Issues, NWSL, Saucy Sonnett, Sleepovers, Slow Burn, Soran - Freeform, The Great Horan, because i can't help myself, just a teensy bit, so'hara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:55:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25759939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emalemaleigh/pseuds/emalemaleigh
Summary: Lindsey asks Sonnett to do the unthinkable, who would have thought she'd say yes?
Relationships: Ashlyn Harris/Ali Krieger, Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett, Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 205
Kudos: 414





	1. take my hand, we'll make it i swear

**Author's Note:**

> This exists in some limbo post-World Cup but pre-trade.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have to tell you something. And then ask you something else.”

Lindsey Horan has never been mistaken for or claimed to be a patient person. It had gotten her in trouble a lot growing up, like when her dad tried to teach her how to drive and she couldn’t help but speed. After her first ticket, her parents had to threaten taking away her car if it continued. It got her in trouble with her soccer sometimes too, always too eager to pull the trigger, to get a foot on that half-volley. It was her impatience that would send the ball into the stands above the goal. In her love life, her impatience had driven away boyfriend after boyfriend over the years, though she wasn’t all that upset about it. 

Lindsey Horan was not a patient person, so how did she find herself sitting at the airport, waiting for her best friend whose plane had been delayed twice and had sat on the tarmac for an hour? Why was she okay with hanging by the baggage claim, slowly sipping her coffee (and the coffee she’d bought for Sonnett an hour ago)? What was it about Emily Sonnett that made Lindsey slow down? 

If you asked Tobin, she would say that Sonnett was just Lindsey’s opposite. That she just fed off Sonnett’s calm nature. She would compare it to their friendship in France, where Tobin had become something special to 18-year-old Lindsey. Tobin would say that it’s impossible _not_ to like Sonnett, to want good things for her, to want her to be happy. 

If you asked Mal, she would say it’s because otherwise, Sonnett would become insufferable and annoying. For example, if anyone ever tried to rush Sonnett through a meal, she would deliberately take as long as possible. Lindsey was pretty sure that was just something she did to piss Mal off. Sonnett had it in her to petty sometimes, especially if it gets someone to laugh. 

If you asked Kelley, she would say it was because no one else wanted to hang out with Lindsey. She was joking in her own Kelley-esque way, but the sentiment was there. Sonnett was always there for Lindsey in ways that others could never fathom. 

If you asked Rose, she would say that it was because Lindsey was low-key in love. It was Rose’s favorite pastime, nagging her about this non-existent crush she apparently had on Sonnett. Every time, Lindsey shut her down and burst out laughing. Can you imagine? Lindsey being in love with Sonnett? First of all, she was straight. Secondly, Sonnett was her best friend. She accused Rose of being so bored she was starting to make things up. Lindsey even suggested she start writing a romance novel with all the tall tales she was spinning. 

Sonnett was her best friend, that was it. In their nearly five years (unless you count that youth national team camp, which Lindsey never does) of friendship, Sonnett had been her constant. She knew that no matter what was going on in her life, she could walk around the corner to Sonnett’s apartment and be welcomed inside. It happened so often that Sonnett made her a key. “So that I don’t have to get up to let you in every time.” She’d played it off as being annoyed, but Lindsey saw it for the sweet gesture that it was. 

Lindsey was pulled out of her thoughts by the shrill ring of her phone. Sonnett had changed her ringtone months ago and she had never gotten around to putting it back. She saw her mother’s contact information as she picked up. 

“Hey, Mom. What's up?” She sat back in the very uncomfortable airport lounge chair, crossing her legs. 

“Linds, honey! Oh, it’s good to hear your voice, you kids text too much!” Lindsey rolled her eyes; it was the same comment her mother made any time she answered the phone. Just as her mom was about to launch into her play-by-play of everything going on at home, the loudspeaker announced that the flight from Atlanta had landed, which caught her attention. 

“Honey, can you hear me? Where are you? It’s very loud.” 

Lindsey chuckled, mostly to herself. “I’m at the airport picking up Sonny, she’s getting back today. She should have been back hours ago, actually. Stupid delays.” 

“Well, that’s very sweet of you to wait for her. I’m sure she’s missed you very much.” Sonnett had told her as much on their FaceTime call that morning while she waited to board, but it felt a little different hearing her own mother say it. “Is she going to be able to come with you to Gran’s birthday later this month? I need to book your flights soon.” 

Lindsey had almost forgotten herself. Her great-grandmother was turning 100 years old and the family was turning it into a big celebration and a roundabout way of having a family reunion. Normally, Lindsey had to decline invitations to be with her family because of her schedule, but her Gran was her favorite person in the world and wouldn’t miss her birthday for anything in the world. This woman had been Lindsey’s strength, her confidant, since she was a little girl. Her Gran was the person who convinced Lindsey’s parents to let her play travel soccer and even paid for it herself. 

Sonnett had come to Denver a few times, mostly just a stop along the way back to Portland. Usually she and Lindsey would fly together after spending the night. But Lindsey’s mom had never before invited Sonnett out right to their home, let alone to a family gathering. But now, it almost sounded like her mom assumed Sonnett would be traveling with her, as if the question was a mere formality. 

“Um, I haven’t really talked to her about it...” Lindsey had a feeling she wasn’t going to like where this conversation was going. 

Her mom let out an exasperated sigh. “Sweetie, your Gran has been going on and on about how she ‘needs to meet this girlfriend of yours before she dies’. I know it’s a bit morbid, but she’s not going to be around much longer. Please tell me you’re bringing her. If you don’t, somehow, it’s going to be my fault. Plus, it’s been too long since you’ve been home and even longer since we’ve seen Emily.” 

Lindsey didn’t hear the rest her mother’s complaint, her brain stuck on “girlfriend”. Her family thought that she and Sonnett were dating, thought they were together. Of course, it’s in this moment that a certain blonde in a baseball cap came into view. 

“Mom, can I call you back later? Sonny just got here.” Lindsey just wanted this conversation to be over. 

“Of course, sweetie, tell her I can’t wait to see her in a few weeks. I’m sure you two have a lot of catching up to do.” She tells herself that there’s no way her _mother_ meant for it to sound remotely sexual, but Lindsey’s ears burned anyways, hanging up the phone. 

Her eyes snap up to see her friend gliding toward her. They’ve traveled so much that Lindsey can pick out Sonnett’s “traveling” outfit anywhere. Her ratty, old, college sweatshirt, the one missing the strings and a rip in the collar, the one she’s worn as long as Lindsey’s known her. Her black leggings, phone tucked into the thigh pocket, and a pair of old sneakers that she didn’t worry about keeping clean completed the outfit. Lindsey hated that Sonnett didn’t look like she’d been stuck in airports all day, it wasn’t fair. For someone that traveled pretty much nonstop for her whole adult life, Lindsey always left the plane with greasy hair and oily skin. Somehow, Sonnett looked like she’d just come from the spa. 

When she locks eyes with Lindsey, Sonnett smiled so big her eyes all but disappeared. Over the years, Lindsey had come to realize that this was “The Lindsey Smile” as Caitlin had dubbed it. Her friends were the first to point it out, and now it’s all she can see. The smile Sonnett gets whenever she sees Lindsey (especially after being away from each other from each other for any length of time) was just bigger and brighter than with anyone else. She would be lying if she said she didn’t love that smile, but after discovering it had a _name_ , Lindsey had gotten a little apprehensive in groups, where people’s eyes were always on them. At home though, Lindsey reveled in it, having Sonnett’s attention completely focused on her. 

It wasn’t until they were right in front of each other that she noticed Sonnett was carrying two coffee cups with her. She kicked her rolling suitcase in Lindsey’s direction, letting it catch on the seat. 

“Are you going to hug me or what?” Her voice was a little annoyed, as if she shouldn’t have had to wait this long already. Lindsey stood up and wrapped her arms around her best friend, taking in her warmth and the gentle hint of her lavender soap. 

Pulling back, she looked at Sonnett. This close, her face wasn’t hidden by her hat and her blue-grey eyes were sparkling. Before she got caught staring, Lindsey turned her attention to the coffee. 

“Isn’t it customary for the person doing the picking up to buy the snacks?” 

“Yeah, and I figured you _had_ already bought some, but I knew if you had to sit here long enough you would have drunk mine as well, so I came prepared.” She said it as if this was the most logical thing in the world. That’s how well she knows Lindsey. 

“Well, it is the least you could do since I’ve been sitting here for like three hours. If you’re really grateful, you’ll pay for parking too.” Lindsey winked, though Sonnett seemed to actually be considering it. 

Lindsey took Sonnett’s suitcase and wheeled it out the big sliding doors. It took the whole walk back to the car before she remembered her phone call with her mom. About Sonnett coming to Denver, about how everyone thinks they’re together. The last thing Lindsey wanted to do is disappoint her great-grandmother or her mom, but this was crazy, right? She knew that if she asked Sonnett to come with her, she would almost definitely say yes, but that’s just because she is the best friend a girl could ever ask for. But there was absolutely no way she could bring Sonnett without cluing her in on what everyone would be thinking, what they would be looking for. 

They load her stuff into the trunk and climb in the car. Lindsey knew she had at least a minute or two to build up her courage, since Sonnett had to pick the perfect music for the ride home just like always. Lindsey stared at her, the way her fingers moved deftly round the car, a sign of how often they traveled together. 

‘Son?” Lindsey asked tentatively. 

Sonnett didn’t look up and made a grunt-like sound, letting her know that she heard. 

“Sonnett.” Lindsey tried again, nothing. She was too engrossed in the phone. 

“Emily.” She knew that would get her attention. Lindsey never called her by her first name accidentally. 

Sonnett’s head snapped up immediately. “What?” 

Lindsey took a deep breath. “I have to tell you something. And then ask you something else.” Sonnett turned in her seat so that she could make eye contact. 

“You know my Gran?” 

“Well, not personally but as much as you talk about her, I feel like I do.” Sonnett smiled. 

“She’s turning 100 at the end of the month and my family is throwing a big party.” She was hoping that Sonnett would catch on to where this was going. “My mom called me today to see if you wanted to come with me, that my Gran said she wants to meet you. Would you want to come?” 

Sonnett tilted her head and leaned it against the headrest. “Sure. I didn’t know I was in such high demand in the Horan household.” She chuckled. “If you want me to go, I’ll go.” 

It was always that simple with Sonnett and Lindsey. If one asked them to do something, the other obliged with little to no begging or pleading. Lindsey should have known that, rather than freaking out. She could have spent all of her time worrying about the other thing she was about to ask of her best friend. 

“There’s one small caveat though.” Sonnett’s expression perked up just a little. “I guess I talk about you a lot, maybe too much. My family seems to be under the impression that we’re together.” The words rushed out before she could take them back. 

“Like _together,_ together? As in the biblical sense?” Sonnett smirked. 

Lindsey cracked a smile and smacked her lightly on the arm. “Gross! They think we’re dating and have been for a while now.” 

“Oh, so now I have to meet the family, huh? Seems like we’re moving a little fast, Linds.” 

She’s not sure how it happens, but just like always, Sonnett is able to calm her down. The fact that she hadn’t so much as batted an eye when Lindsey told her, had even kind of leaned into it, comforted her in ways she couldn’t have imagined. It was in that moment she realized just how much she wanted to bring Sonnett home, how much she wanted to introduce her to her great-grandmother and the rest of her extended family (as a friend, of course). 

“I just wanted to tell you, that’s what they’re thinking. I can tell them they’re wrong, that it’s in their heads. I just don’t want to disappoint my Gran. You don’t have to come; I don’t want you to feel pressured...” 

She rambled on until Sonnett took her hand, lacing their fingers together and resting them on the center console. 

“Linds, calm down. I’d fake date you any day, okay?” 

It’s crazy how Emily Sonnett can fill her with such warmth and gratitude while, at the exact same time, suck all the air out of Lindsey’s body. Looking at her, at her easy, soft smile, made all of Lindsey’s worries fade into the background. She untangles their fingers and put the car in drive. 

“Do you want to practice ahead of time?” 

They had been driving for nearly twenty minutes, just listening to the music coming through. Lindsey was a dunce when it came to music, most of the time just listening to whatever was popular in the moment, so she loved whenever Sonnett played her something. It was like her own version of a love language, being able to share something she was so passionate about with Lindsey. So, when her voice broke through over the beat, it was like being pulled out of a trance. 

“Huh?” Lindsey questioned, not taking her eyes off the road. 

“Well, if you’ve hyped me up this much to your grandmother and your family thinks we’ve been together for a while now, we want to make it seem real, right?” 

Lindsey was still confused. “What do you mean?” 

“Like, we can practice our fake-dating. Ooh, we could fool Ellie and Caitlin! I love them but they’re both pretty dense. That way, we’re more believable when we get to Denver.” 

A warning bell was going off inside Lindsey’s head, though she wasn’t sure where it came from. The thought of “practicing” to date Sonnett was making her skin hot and she hoped her blushing wasn’t too noticeable. It was one thing to put on this show in front of her family for a few days, it was another to do it to their friends. With her family, they would break up a little while after the visit and then they wouldn’t have to see Sonnett ever again. With Caitlin and Ellie, those are her teammates, they see each other every day. And, oh god, what about Tobin? Tobin would be able to see through this in a second. Reading Lindsey’s mind was like, her superpower. Tobin would never believe she and Sonnett were dating. Plus, their trip was still two weeks away, that’s a lot of pretending. Trying to draw attention away from her red face and sweaty palms, Lindsey took a page out of her friend’s book and deflected with a joke. 

“Son, if you want to make out with me, all you have to do is ask.” She smiled wryly. 

This time, it was Sonnett that went red. Lindsey took a minute to appreciate her small victory. Embarrassing her best friend was hard to do. 

“Linds…” 

“You think Cait and Ellie will really think we’re together?” 

Sonnett laughed. “I think they’ll believe anything we tell them.” 

It was probably the wrong thing, but Lindsey nodded resolutely. “Alright, we’ll start today.” 

Sonnett smiled, again taking Lindsey’s hand across the console. “So, what’s our story?” 

“Our story?” 

“Man, Linds, you really weren’t going to plan this out at all. When did we get together? What made you ask me out? How serious are we?” 

“Um, we all know _you_ asked _me_ out.” Lindsey joked. “I don’t know. We got together in France, the win just changed us somehow, made us realize how important we are to each other or something. And if I’m bringing you home to a family event, I’d say we’re pretty serious.” 

“And why are we just now telling people? Or letting them figure it out I guess is more accurate.” 

Lindsey paused for a moment. Why would they wait so long to tell anyone? “We just wanted to keep it for ourselves. But now that it’s serious, we’re okay with people knowing. Well, just our friends.” 

“Well, the internet already thinks we’re together, so nothing really has changed there, I guess. Although, if anyone asks, _I’m_ the top!” 

Lindsey choked on her own saliva, sputtering for a moment, and tried not to crash the car. Sonnett burst out laughing, breaking the imaginary tension Lindsey was building up her head. They fell back into their comfortable silence, listening to the music, and Sonnett held her hand the whole way home. 

*** 

They already had plans to meet their friends that night for drinks. Before they walked into the bar, Lindsey pulled Sonnett back by the sleeve of her denim jacket. She turned around; a look of apprehension written across her face. 

“You okay?” Sonnett asked. 

“How are we doing this? If we’ve been hiding that we’re ‘together’ for a while now, we can’t just be all over each other now. This was a bad idea.” 

A terrible idea, really. Lindsey has been dreading this moment since they got back home. There’s no way they could pull this off, she might as well pull the plug on this now. 

Sonnett didn’t say anything at first, just wrenched her jacket out of Lindsey’s death grip and squeezed her hand. She smiled that damn soft smile. Lindsey couldn’t help but notice the way she had curled her wispy, blonde hair, something Sonnett usually didn’t bother with unless it was a special occasion. She loved the way the curls framed her best friend’s face, making her blue eyes pop a little more than usual. 

“Lindsey, calm down. Just follow my lead, okay?” 

She stepped around Lindsey and walked into the bar. Caitlin and Ellie were already seated at their regular booth, giggling about something over their drinks. As she began to slide into the seat, Lindsey felt a hand on the small of her back. She whipped her head around to look at who the hand belonged to and Sonnett just smiled back at her, lightly nudging her into the table. As she sat down, the spot where Sonnett touched her burned. 

Instead of sliding in next to her, Sonnett leaned down toward Lindsey. For a brief moment, Lindsey was wondering if she was about to be kissed. She locks eyes with Sonnett, but not before letting her eyes flit down to her lips. 

Sonnett didn’t kiss her, instead lowering her head to speak not-so-quietly into her ear. 

“What do you want to drink, babe?” Her voice is velvety soft and oddly soothing in this moment that was so nerve wracking for Lindsey. 

“Surprise me.” The voice that comes out seemed foreign to her, self-assured and light. 

She pulls back just slightly, leaving a kiss on Lindsey’s cheek before walking away. Lindsey was left alone with Caitlin and Ellie staring back at her, both sets of eyes bugging out and jaws dropped They looked at each other, then back to Lindsey, then to Sonnett standing at the bar, and then back to each other. 

They didn’t speak until Sonnett returned to the table, sliding a beer in front of Lindsey and giving her hand a squeeze. 

“So, guys, did you miss me while I was out of town?” She asked their friends; whose mouths were still agape. 

“I’m sorry, are we not going to talk about this?” Caitlin gestured wildly at them. 

“Talk about what?” Sonnett asked nonchalantly. 

“THIS!” Caitlin screeched. “You called her babe, you kissed her!” 

“So…? And it was on the cheek, I’m not an animal.” Sonnett drawled. 

“What do mean ‘so’? Are you guys… are you…?” 

“Together?” Lindsey piped in, grinning sheepishly. “Have been for a while now.” 

Now it was Ellie’s turn to shriek. “WHAT?” 

Sonnett just shrugged her shoulders. “We kept dropping hints, but you guys never said anything, and we got impatient.” 

“El, you owe me $50!” Caitlin held out her hand, as if expecting her friend to drop the bill in her hand right there. 

“Not so fast! How long has this been going on?” 

It was like something out of a romantic comedy. Ellie tipped her drink back, waiting for the answer. Lindsey and Sonnett smiled at each other and said “France”. Lindsey had never seen a spit take in real life, but in that moment, she watched Ellie spray her beer over the entire table. As she flinched backward, she felt a warm, protective hand brush her thigh, just for a second. 

“Ha! Ellie owes me $100!” 

“Damn it! Are you guys sure it was then?” 

“Pretty sure, unless that was another Lindsey I was making out with at the after party. I guess it’s possible…” Lindsey playfully smacked her on the arm. 

“There better not have been another!” 

“Actually, come to think of it, I think she spelled her name with an -AY.” 

“Emily Sonnett!” Lindsey smacked her again, but this time Sonnett caught her hand and kissed it. 

“God, you guys are gross. How did we not put this together earlier?” Ellie groaned. 

“We’re just that good at hiding it.” 

“You’re really not, though. I thought you guys had been together since I first saw you two together. That’s why I lost the bet.” 

Lindsey didn’t know how to respond to _that._ She met the Aussies nearly two years ago. She turned to look at Sonnett, hoping she would swoop in again. She studied her friend’s face, her jaw was set, like she was trying not to clench. The tips of her ears were a little red, mostly hidden behind her hair. Lindsey took a deep breath and stepped up to the plate. 

“Well, I guess we just needed a little push to admit it to each other. And by push, I mean gallons of beer and champagne!” She laughed and Sonnett leaned into her, nudging her shoulder. 

“Yeah, if I knew all it took was getting this one slobbering drunk, I would have done it a long time ago.” Lindsey rolled her eyes. 

They fell back into their conversation, easily moving on from Lindsey and Sonnett’s love life without any more questions or comments. If Lindsey wasn’t already tipsy from her first beer, she might have thought about how bizarre it was that their friends were so okay with this. 

Hours later, long after she should have stopped drinking, Ellie slid another beer in front of Lindsey. She was past tipsy, but not quite _drunk,_ her whole body buzzing with warmth. Though, that warmth may have had more to do with Sonnett’s arm resting around her shoulder, fingers lightly tapping to the beat of the house music, while Lindsey leaned into the crook of her neck. The position wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for them, if anything it was one of the more ordinary moments that night. She could feel her eyes start to close as she breathed Emily in, sighing contentedly. 

“Are you ready to head out?” Just like before, she felt calm wash over her at the sound of the soft, raspy voice. 

Lindsey nodded, pushing up from her spot and climbing out of the booth. The combination of exhaustion and drunken-ness caused her to stumble as she stood, but Sonnett quickly wrapped her in her arms to keep her from falling over. Ellie and Caitlin giggled, and Lindsey flipped them off. 

“Thank goodness for your girlfriend’s strong arms, Linds.” 

Lindsey had never thought about Sonnett having strong arms. Of course, she was _strong,_ they worked out together all the time, but Lindsey had never paid much attention to her biceps. Plus, Sonnett liked wearing baggy tops so they weren’t always on display. Tonight though, with arms around her, Lindsey took stock of just how strong Sonnett was. 

Once Lindsey caught her balance, the arms around her loosened. Sonnett laced their fingers together and led Lindsey out into the fresh air. It was only a ten-minute walk back to the apartment complex. The fresh air on the walk sobered her up some, only for her to feel a little more lightheaded with every circle Sonnett’s thumb traced on her hand. Her best friend led her up to her door and helped Lindsey fish her keys out of her bag. 

“Stay here, Son. I’ll make breakfast in the morning.” Lindsey’s words slurred just a bit, leaning against the door frame. 

“As much as I’d love to see you try and fail to make something edible, I’m going to head home. I’ll let you take me out for breakfast in the morning though.” Sonnett gave her a warm smile and squeezed her hand before turning back toward the elevator. 

“Son...” Lindsey didn’t let go of her hand. 

Sonnett took her hand back and then placed both of them on Lindsey’s shoulders. “Tonight was fun, being your fake girlfriend is fun.” She moved her hands until they rested on either side of Lindsey’s cheeks. For the second time that night, she had a suspicion that Sonnett was about to kiss her. Sonnett used her hands to tilt Lindsey’s head down, pressing her lips gently to Lindsey’s forehead. “I’ll see you in morning, okay Linds?” 

She watched Sonnett walk back the hall until she disappeared into the elevator. She closed her apartment door and leaned back against it. 

Lindsey was fucked, big time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with a new multi-chapter story! Not sure how long it'll be but I'm excited to see where it goes. Drop a comment to let me know what you thought of the first piece!


	2. when the sun came up, you were looking at me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t think she’d feel bothered.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say I was blown away by the love for the first chapter, so thank you very much!

Lindsey was woken up the next morning by the shrill ring of her phone. She rolled over toward her bedside table, immediately regretting the sudden movement. The sharp pains of her hangover stopped her in her tracks. She never really drank that much, but when she did, hangovers were pretty much guaranteed. She reached for her phone, thankful it was only text messages, she definitely didn’t have the energy for talking just yet. 

**_Tobin:_ ** _anything you wanna tell me?_

**_Tobin:_ ** _you should check ellie’s insta story before you say no_

**_Tobin:_ ** _and don’t try to lie_

Lindsey had no idea what Tobin could be talking about. Before she was able to go check her social media, another message came in, this time from Sonnett. 

**_Dasani:_ ** _ok so remember how_ _i_ _said you could take me_ _out f_ _or breakfast?_

(Lindsey did not remember) 

**_Linessi_ ** **_:_ ** _Possibly..._

**_Dasani:_ ** _i_ _have a PT session this morning, raincheck?_

**_Dasani:_ ** _or_ _i_ _can bring dinner over tonight_

**_Linessi_ ** **_:_ ** _Bring Thai and all is forgiven_

**_Dasani:_ ** _perf_

**_Dasani:_ ** _ps tobin knows_

Lindsey could feel whatever color left in her face drain away. She quickly switched to her Instagram, as Tobin told her to. She had a notification showing that Ellie had tagged her in a story. Thank goodness she was smart, and it was only visible to her “Close Friends”. The video was from near the end of the night before, Sonnett’s arm already wrapped around Lindsey. She watched in horror as she saw herself leave a kiss on the underside of her best friend’s jaw, smiling like an idiot. She was mortified, but then the video continued, showing Sonnett press her lips into Lindsey’s hair, not a normal, platonic best friend kiss, that was for sure. It was nothing overtly romantic, but to their friends, this would not been seen as normal behavior. 

She clicked back to her messages and before she responded to Tobin, she fired off a quick text to Ellie, pleading with her to take the video down (she also asked if Ellie could send her the video, but that was beside the point right now). 

**_Lindsey:_ ** _Are you free right now?_

**_Tobin:_ ** _chris is here_

**_Lindsey:_ ** _Will she care if I co_ _me over?_

**_Tobin:_ ** _nah_

It's a fifteen-minute ride to Tobin’s complex and Lindsey does her best to keep calm. Tobin was like the big sister she never had but always wanted. Sure, her big brother was awesome, and Lindsey loved him with all her heart, but there were some things he could never understand. She and Tobin had developed a bond in France all those years ago that was unlike any other friendship Lindsey had. She didn’t think she would be able to bear disappointing her friend, and she couldn’t lie to Tobin. 

She knocked lightly on the door to the apartment, trying her best to stand still. When the door opened, Christen Press appeared on the other side, her hair half-straightened and wearing a long t-shirt that Lindsey knew belonged to Tobin. 

“Hey, Linds! Come on in!” Even in her panic, Christen’s smile made her feel just a teeny bit better. “Tobs? She’s here.” 

Tobin popped from behind the kitchen counter at the same a pot or pan crashed onto the floor. Any other day, Lindsey would have found it downright comical. 

“Blueberries or chocolate chips? Or both? Or neither? Ooh, or bananas?” 

Lindsey was a little taken aback. She expected the Spanish Inquisition when she walked through the door, not pancakes. She half expected a scene from the old TV show “Intervention” where Tobin and Christen would be sitting stick straight, waiting to ambush her. 

“Uhhh... chocolate.” 

“Right answer.” Tobin grinned. 

Waiting for breakfast, Lindsey sat down on the overstuffed couch in the living room. She always loved how homey this apartment was. All credit to Christen though, of course. She knew that Tobin would have been perfectly happy with minimal furniture and nothing on the walls. Over the years, Christen had filled the home with color and comfort. She convinced Tobin to create some artwork to hang on the wall, plus all the photos on every surface. There on the end table, as if on purpose, was a photo of Lindsey, Tobin and _Sonnett._ It was a few years old, back during Lindsey’s brunette phase, taken at Providence Park after a game. Before she got the chance to be emotional about it, Christen floated back into the room, dressed and with fully straightened hair, pressing a kiss to Tobin’s cheek before sitting down next to Lindsey. 

“So....” Christen smiled, her eyebrows wiggling like she knew something she shouldn’t. 

“So...?” Lindsey parroted. 

Before she could say anything else, Tobin was dropping a large plate of pancakes on the breakfast bar. Lindsey loaded her plate, hoping the carbs and sugar would help the massive headache she hadn’t yet been able to shake. If anything, it felt like it was morphing into a migraine. Tobin had left a large glass of water at her place with a smirk. 

“Hangover, Linds?” She asked in between bites. 

“Not too bad. Nothing ever feels bad anymore compared to the World Cup hangover.” She joked, taking a bite of her breakfast. 

Tobin nodded. “So, you and Sonny?” 

Lindsey choked, like real choking this time. She couldn’t breathe, flailing her arms wildly. Christen rushed around the table to help her until she finally coughed the food back up. Tobin held the water glass in front of her. 

“Small sips, Linds.” 

Once she had calmed down, Christen led her to the guest room and let her lay down. The migraine caused by her hangover and almost choking to death had wiped her out in a matter of minutes and she didn’t have the energy to go back home right away. Maybe thirty minutes later, she heard a soft knock on the door. 

“How are you feeling?” Tobin asked, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, leaving a fresh plate of food on the bedside table. 

“Oh, you know, fine.” Lindsey’s voice was a little raspy from all the coughing. 

“Do you want me to call Sonny?” 

Lindsey felt her whole body stiffen; she had almost forgotten the real reason she was here. She sat up, leaning back against the headboard. “No, no, that’s okay. She’s at PT. I don’t want to bother her.” Tobin nodded. 

“I don’t think she’d feel bothered.” She said softly, patting Lindsey’s knee. “I do think it’s great, just so you know.” 

“What’s great?” Lindsey tilted her head slightly, confused by her friend’s words. 

“You and Sonny. Took you long enough but I figured it would happen eventually.” 

“Tobs--” Lindsey shifted uncomfortably on the bed. 

“I wish you had told me though; I don’t like finding shit out on social media.” 

“Tobin, I...” Lindsey wasn’t sure what was happening now. Did Tobin really believe she and Sonnett were together? The one person she had been so sure would see right through this charade was congratulating her and, not only that, but saying she saw this relationship coming? Lindsey’s head was spinning. 

“I’m sorry. I should have told you first, I know.” Lindsey sighed; she was really in deep now. There was no turning back after this. “I just... I guess I liked that it was just the two of us for a while. I drank too much last night and got handsy, it shouldn’t have happened, and Ellie _certainly_ shouldn’t have filmed it. I’m sorry, Tobs.” Lindsey stared down at her lap, where she was wringing her hands nervously. 

“Hey.” Tobin scoots farther onto the bed until she is shoulder to shoulder with Lindsey. “You don’t have to be sorry. I mean, hell, Chris and I live together but we’ve never ‘officially’ said anything. You like her, you kissed her, no big deal okay? I mean, it was a pretty lame kiss though.” 

“Yeah but...” Lindsey wanted to curl under the blankets and never come out. 

“If Sonny makes you happy, I’m happy.” 

Lindsey smiled at her friend. “She does. She really does, Tobs.” It wasn’t a lie, not technically. Sonnett did make her feel happy. 

“Good. That’s why I told her this morning that I will murder her if she hurts you.” 

The coughing came back. Lindsey broke out into an uncontrollable fit that took several moments to stop. 

“You... you called Sonny?” 

Tobin chuckled. “Hell yeah I did. Linds, you’re like my sister. No one will ever be good enough but Sonny, she might be the closest.” 

Lindsey could feel tears forming behind her eyes. She tried to picture that phone call between Sonnett and Tobin and it made her feel so guilty. Emily probably was taken aback, unaware that Tobin knew or would find out at all. She was probably in the middle of making breakfast (because Lindsey knew she wouldn’t have woken up with a hangover, she never does) and was suddenly bombarded with information she didn’t know what to do with. Sonnett didn’t deserve Tobin’s sisterly wrath. She was doing Lindsey a _favor_ _,_ a favor that had spiraled out of her control. 

And that was the end of the conversation. Tobin was never one to say anything more than what was needed. She had made her position on this subject clear and so, to her, there was nothing else to say. She just dropped her head to rest on Lindsey’s shoulder as they sat in comfortable silence. 

*** 

“Honey I’m home!” Sonnett’s sing song voice echoed through the apartment. Lindsey had passed out on her bed hours ago, still fighting her nagging headache. She had closed the blinds, keeping out the late afternoon sun and now she was disoriented, unsure of what time it was. Emily’s voice and the door being open jolted her awake. “Linds? Where are you?” Her friend called. 

Lindsey forced out a “here”, which brought Emily to her door with worry etched across her face. She walked back out of the room, presumably to drop the food in the kitchen and came back, still obviously anxious about Lindsey’s well-being. She didn’t deserve Sonnett’s concern, this was all Lindsey’s fault. And yet, somehow, Emily’s presence in her doorway made her smile. Or at least it felt like a smile, she couldn’t say for sure what her face actually looked like after being smashed into her pillow for the last few hours. She was wearing an old, powder blue crewneck sweater that made her blonde hair look almost white. Okay, maybe Lindsey felt something a little more than her smile conveyed, but she pushed that to the back burner for the moment. 

“Hey.” She said, stepping forward to sit on the edge of Lindsey’s bed. “You okay? You kind of look like shit.” 

“I’m breaking up with you.” Lindsey grunted, throwing the blanket over her head. 

“Well, I guess I’ll just eat all this Thai food myself.” Sonnett made to get up from the bed when Lindsey popped her head back out. 

“I’ll break up with you after dinner, then.” And she made grabby hands for her food, but Emily swatted her away. 

“Let me at least put it on plates so we can pretend to be civilized.” 

A few minutes later, Sonnett returned to the bedroom with plates of Lindsey’s favorite food. She had filled a water bottle for Lindsey too, shoving it into her hands. “You never drink enough water. That’s why you always feel crappy after a night out.” 

Emily made herself comfortable on the other side of Lindsey’s bed, fishing the remote out from under pillows and blankets and flipping on the TV. Lindsey noticed that she made sure to keep the volume low, so as not to aggravate her headache. That was the thing about Emily, she was so considerate, so thoughtful, especially when she did things other people might not ever notice, but Lindsey noticed. Like how she made sure to always keep a roll of red pre-wrap in her bag, even though she never wore it herself. 

“Confession.” Sonnett said, pretending to look sad. “I know I said I’d wait ‘til I was back, but I watched the new episodes of The Bachelor while I was in Georgia.” She cringed, bracing for Lindsey’s outburst. 

“Good thing I’m already planning to break up with you. But until then, you have to watch them over again with me. And if you give away spoilers, I’m kicking you out.” 

Sonnett just giggled, sinking lower into the bed. She flipped though the apps on Lindsey’s TV until she was finally able to pull the show up. As the opening credits played, Lindsey turned slightly to look at her friend. 

“Sonny?” Emily hummed. “Tobin said she called and threatened you this morning, I’m sorry.” 

Sonnett turned to look at Lindsey, smiling wide. “Don’t worry, I think I could take her. I am plotting a murder of my own, I can’t believe Ellie did that.” Her face darkened just a shade, shaking her head violently. 

“We can’t murder her just yet; we have a game in a few days.” Lindsey chuckled. 

“Well, after then.” Sonnett said, indignantly. 

“Okay, Son.” She patted Emily’s upper thigh before digging into her dinner. 

Normally, Sonnett would admonish Lindsey for talking through the show, but tonight, she let Lindsey babble. She was trying to get Sonnett to give her details and spoilers, but her best friend wouldn’t take the bait. 

Sometime after the second episode, Sonnett got up and took their dishes to the kitchen and returned to the bed, pulling the comforter up to her chest and motioned Lindsey into her side. It wasn’t like they hadn’t done this before, but now; Lindsey couldn’t help but notice the hollow of Emily’s collarbone, or the way her nostrils flared at anything egregiously corny on the show, or how she turned her head to check on Lindsey periodically, just for a second. 

At some point, Lindsey fell asleep. She woke to total darkness and an empty bed. The clock on the bedside table said it was just after 11:00pm. 

“Son?” Her voice was scratchy with sleep. She climbed out of bed and padded down the hall. She found her friend passed out on the couch; a book Lindsey had never seen before open across her chest. She heard the dishwasher running and could tell the counters had been wiped down and the leftovers had been stored in the fridge. Sonnett had even found some elusive Tupperware and had thrown out the takeout containers, something Lindsey never bothered to do. 

She thought about waking her up, her own bed would be much more comfortable than Lindsey’s couch. The thought also crossed her mind to let Sonnett stay in her bed with her, but they hadn’t done that in a long time, and definitely not since this fake dating thing started. For a moment, she just stared, watching Emily’s chest rise and fall methodically. Lindsey loved that she felt so comfortable here but felt a little guilty that Sonnett had taken the time to clean up, likely because she knew Lindsey wouldn’t bother until it became necessary. The two of them were like The Odd Couple, Lindsey was messy and lazy, where Emily kept her place spotless and busied herself whenever she had time. She learned how to cook, where Lindsey preferred takeout even though it wasn’t usually healthy. Sonnett had become her personal chef over the years. She always said the recipes were all for at least two people so she just brought the second portion over, even though she could have used them for leftovers or given them to someone else. 

Gently, she lifted the book from Emily’s chest, glancing at the dust jacket. She had to assume Sonnett brought it over from her own home because the only books in Lindsey’s apartment were ones about soccer and magazines. This was some kind of book about philosophy, which Lindsey had no concept of. Another bullet point to add to her list of things she may never understand because of skipping college. Lindsey covered her with a quilt from the closet, pulling it all the way up to her chin. Before turning off the lights and heading back to her room, she pressed her lips lightly to Sonnett’s forehead, causing her to shift ever so slightly, the imprint of a soft smile across her face. 

“Sweet dreams.” 

*** 

The next few days were relatively quiet. No one spoke about Lindsey and Emily’s supposed relationship, though there was one moment where Kling got in between them in the locker room and started dancing inappropriately but that wasn’t really out of the ordinary. 

It took a little longer for their national team teammates to catch onto what was happening, but when they finally did, that’s when things really hit the fan. After their game the next week, both Sonnett and Lindsey saw that the group chat was blowing up. 

**_Ash:_ ** _Sonn_ _ett_ _you DAWG_

**_Ali:_ ** _Don’t be rude_

**_Ash:_ ** _Oh, come on, no way Linds made the first move_

**_Rose:_ ** _I second that_

**_Sam:_ ** _What is going on? What are you talking about?_

**_Mal:_ ** _Sonny and Lindsey sitting in a tree_

**_Sam:_ ** _WHAT_

**_Sam:_ ** _Why am I the last to know everything??_

**_Crystal:_ ** _Ayyyeee_ _finally!_

**_Kelley:_ ** _YES YES YES my_ _babiessss_

**_Alex:_ ** _Wait_

**_Alex:_ ** _You guys weren’t already together?_

**_Sonny:_** _yall_ _are mean_

**_Alyssa:_ ** _I’m removing myself from this group_

Lindsey looked at Sonnett from across the locker room. She could feel herself flushing red, creeping up from her neck, to her face, all the way to the tips of her ears. She couldn’t bring herself to reply to the message thread. How did they even find out? Though their backs were turned, Lindsey shot daggers at Ellie and Caitlin, they were behind this somehow. Emily, for what it's worth, didn’t seem nearly as phased. She looked back at Lindsey and shrugged her shoulders, as if to say, “ _what can y_ _ou do?_ ”. 

As Lindsey was getting ready for bed, Sonnett texted her a few pictures from the game photographer if she wanted to post any of them. She thumbed through the ten or so pictures, some of just her in the run of play, some with the team, one of her and Tobin hugging after her goal, and one of her and Emily walking into the stadium together, hand in hand. Normally, the two of them holding hands wouldn’t be thought of as a big deal, but now... 

She didn’t end up posting anything that night, too worried about what her friends might comment or say out in a public space. But she couldn’t help but stare at the photo of the two of them. An activity that at any other game would have felt completely natural, now Lindsey was analyzing every inch. Like the way Sonnett’s eyes were bright and you could see the bounce in her step, even in a photo. She could still feel how warm Sonnett’s hand had been in hers, and not in a sweaty way. She also noticed her own smile and how different it looked compared to the other photos. The ones Emily wasn’t in. 

A few nights later, just as Lindsey was curling under her blanket for the night, Sonnett’s name flashed on her caller ID. 

“What should I pack?” Her voice sounded mildly panicked, though Lindsey wasn’t sure why. They didn’t leave for the airport until the following evening and it was only a three-day trip, how much packing would you need to do? 

“Clothes...?” Lindsey said, as if it was the simplest question she could have possibly asked. 

“Ha. Ha. Very funny. Seriously, Linds. Is this party going to be fancy? How cold is it going to be there? Are you finally going to take me hiking like you promised two years ago?” 

“Umm... I doubt it. Colder than here and sure, if there’s time I’ll take you hiking. Sonny, what’s wrong?” 

“Can you come over here?” The tone of her friend’s voice was not one Lindsey heard very often. Sonnett was flustered, nervous, and maybe a little needy. 

Rather than press her for more, Lindsey conceded. “Sure, Son, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” 

Lindsey untangled herself from her sheets and pulled on some shoes, not bothering to change out of her sweats. She twisted the key into the lock and opened the door to Emily’s apartment and stopped dead. It looked like a tornado had blown through and left a trail of clothes, shoes, and scarves behind. 

“Sonny? Em?” Lindsey entered the apartment, treading lightly throughout the room, trying not to step on anything. She made her way back towards the bedroom, where she found her best friend sitting cross-legged on the floor, staring at an empty suitcase. Lindsey knelt down, placing a hand gently on her friend’s back. The touch seemed to knock Sonnett out of whatever trance she was in, flinching just slightly. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” 

“I don’t know what to pack.” She said flatly. 

Lindsey sat down on the floor next to her friend. “Well, I think that black cotton dress would be perfect for the party, maybe even pair it with your denim jacket. What do you think?” She leaned in, trying to get Sonnett to make eye contact. 

“I’ve never met someone’s family before.” She huffed, as if those words had been weighing her down. Lindsey sat back just a little, trying to process. 

“Em, you’ve met my parents before. This isn’t a big deal.” 

“I’m supposed to be your girlfriend. I know it’s all pretend, but I don’t know, call me a method actor or something, I’m nervous. You know I don’t date much; I’ve never met a girl’s parents.” Lindsey smiled, wrapping her into a half-hug. “And then there’s your Gran, who thinks you walk on water. How am I supposed to impress her?” 

If Lindsey wasn’t so touched by Emily’s concern, she might have thought more about why she was so nervous to her _fake_ girlfriend’s family. But in that moment, she just pressed into Sonnett’s body, hoping to give her a little comfort. 

“They’re going to love you, Son, I promise. How could they not? And don’t worry about Gran, she pretends to be tough but she’s the biggest softie, especially with me.” 

For the next few hours, they went through what seemed like every item of clothing that Sonnett owned and picked out an outfit for each day, plus something for a possible hike. Eventually, Lindsey collapsed onto the floor in exhaustion. 

“I think I’ll just sleep right here. I physically cannot move. Though, if you show me another pair of white sneakers, so help me God I will send you on that plane by yourself.” 

Sonnett dropped to the floor next to her, shoulder to shoulder. “Better than you having 87 pairs of plain black slides.” 

Lindsey didn’t remember closing her eyes, but when the sunrise cast a glare across her face, she was pulled out of sleep and realized where she was. She felt some movement under her, discovering she had fallen asleep _on_ someone else. She had used Sonnett’s bicep as a pillow, which had to contort into a position that could not be comfortable. Lindsey’s nose was pressed into her neck, where she couldn’t help but breathe in that damn lavender soap. They were so close that Lindsey could see the dusting of freckles across Sonnett’s nose, could have counted them if she wanted. Her eyes focused on Emily’s soft, rosy lips, just barely parted as she slept. For a second, Lindsey thought about what it might be like to kiss those lips, but she was pulled out of those thoughts abruptly as the body beneath her started to shift. 

She tilted her head to meet Emily’s eyes. They were a kind of cloudy blue this morning, slowly blinking awake. She watched her mouth curl into a sleepy smile. 

“Mornin’.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back! This slow burn is starting to heat up just a little! Good? Bad? Please let know what you thought!


	3. least i got the best seat (cause we put on one hell of a show)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, you know she’s never been very good at sharing!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to complete the next chapter before releasing one (ex. currently working on #4) but my job is no longer working from home so I have less unencumbered time to write. It might be awhile before the next chapter so I'm giving you this early. Enjoy!

Lindsey scrambled to sit up, putting distance between her and Emily. The sudden movement startled her friend and a look crossed Sonnett’s face, one Lindsey wasn’t sure she’d ever seen before, half confused and half something else. Could it be hurt? Or embarrassment? Before she could let herself think about it anymore, Lindsey jumped to her feet. 

“Breakfast?” 

Emily blinked a few times, still laying on the hardwood floor, trying to catch up to Lindsey’s unusually perky behavior. She sat up, resting against her elbows. 

“You… _you’re_ going to make _me_ breakfast?” Sonnett looked incredulous, like she still wasn’t positive she was awake. 

“Not with that attitude!” 

Emily laughed and it might be one of the best sounds Lindsey had ever heard. Still a little thick from sleep but the way she used her whole body when she laughed made Lindsey stop and smile. 

Lindsey doesn’t make breakfast. She really wanted to try, but Sonnett didn’t have any frozen waffles or even any avocados and anything else was beyond her capabilities. Emily stepped in, like the kitchen superhero she was, and offered to make eggs. Lindsey took a quick moment to run a comb through her hair and use the spare toothbrush that Sonnett had set aside for her. When she returned, there were two places set at the counter with homemade breakfast burritos. Lindsey had to do a double take, she had only been gone ten minutes, and now there was a gourmet meal in front of her. 

“How… how did you…? I’d starve without you, Sonny.” She said dreamily, salivating over the food in front of her. 

“I aim to please, but I also accept tips.” 

*** 

Eventually, they make their way to the airport. Sonnett complained about the weight, but she lugged Lindsey’s bag to the car without actually being asked. They arrived with time to spare (Lindsey may have told Emily their flight was at 4:00 even though it wasn’t until 5:30) and so they set off in search of coffee near the gate. 

When the call to board comes, Lindsey was half asleep in the uncomfortable chair, her legs tossed over Sonnett’s lap. For all the time they spent together in airports, this had kind of become natural. Emily usually brought a book in her bag but always ended up people watching, all while Lindsey rested one body part or another in her lap. It became her way of getting Lindsey to ignore her nerves about the take-off (her least favorite part), giving her a rundown of all the weird stuff she witnessed. 

Once the plane takes off, it all becomes real and Lindsey starts fidgeting in her seat. Her brother was coming to pick them up in a few hours and then the lie would be fully set in motion. _It's_ _only_ _three days, you can handle this._ She tells herself, coming to the conclusion she would be spending this flight trying to psych herself up. 

What ends up happening is she starts to work herself up into a frenzy. Her leg starts bouncing uncontrollably and she rips apart her drink napkin. In the middle of her thought spiral about how stupid this plan was, she’s snapped out of it when she feels a squeeze on her thigh just above her knee. She whips her head around to look at Sonnett, who just shows her a lazy, soft smile. _How does she do that?_

“Linds, calm down. It’s going to be okay.” Emily gives her leg one more squeeze before turning back to her book and Lindsey starts to think this weekend is going to be anything but _okay._

The flight isn’t too terribly long and normally Lindsey would have slept through the whole thing but today, today she spent her time trying not to turn her head to look at Emily. She was still reading that philosophy book and Lindsey was resisting the urge to ask her to explain it. Resisting because she didn’t actually care about philosophy, but because she knew Sonnett’s face lit up when she talked about something she cared about, and Lindsey could really use seeing that smile. Before she worked up the nerve to ask, Emily had leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. 

Like this, Lindsey can’t help but look, can’t help but watch while Sonnett slept. Just like earlier that same morning, her lips were slightly parted, and her breathing was deep, if not a little labored. Emily never shifted much in her sleep, but now her head looked heavy on her neck and she fidgeted, uncomfortable. Lindsey reached to the far side of Emily’s head and laid it on her shoulder. The fidgeting slowed and her breathing evened out, relaxing into Lindsey’s body. They stay that way until the pilot comes on to announce their descent. She tried to gently nudge Sonnett awake, only to immediately regret it. Emily turned her head as she stretched awake, pressing her nose into Lindsey’s neck, her hair tickling Lindsey’s chin. No, she should have shoved her, woken her up abruptly, anything to avoid this. Anything to avoid how affectionate it felt, like Emily could reach up and kiss her at any moment, if that’s what Lindsey wanted. _Did she want that?_

Sonnett sat up a little straighter, looking out the window at the mountains below and Lindsey immediately missed the weight on her shoulder. 

“Ready girlfriend?” Emily grinned, pushing some the flyaway hairs out of her face. 

Lindsey took a deep breath to steady her nerves. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” 

They walked through the halls of the airport, making their way towards the exit. Lindsey caught site of her brother waiting for them. Emily’s hand brushed against hers lightly before Lindsey captured it in her own, threading their fingers together for a moment. _Now or never._

The drive home was almost too easy. Mike forced Lindsey in the back seat, citing that he and Sonnett had more catching up to than he did with her. She climbed in the back and leaned forward in her seat, making sure not to miss any of their conversation for fear of either one of them saying embarrassing about her. She rested her head against the back of Emily’s seat, where she could see the way Emily hands twisted in her lap, where she could smell the mixture of her soap and the coffee they’d had that morning, just a hint still lingering. Lindsey rested a hand on Sonnett’s arm somewhere around halfway home, mindlessly rubbing her thumb across the fabric of her sweater. 

Emily never missed a beat. For someone who had been so nervous the night before, she bantered along with Lindsey’s brother like a pro, sometimes at Lindsey’s expense. She laughed with her whole body, turning to the back seat every so often to check in. As they were pulling into the driveway, she turned around one more time and gave Lindsey a cute little wink. A wink that would be stuck in Lindsey’s head for who knows how long. 

Her mother rushed out the door, giddy with excitement. She pushed past Lindsey, who was a little shocked, and made a beeline for Sonnett, wrapping her in a tight hug. 

“Emily! It’s been too long, sweetheart! I was starting to think Lindsey was hiding you from us!” 

Her words made Lindsey flinch. Even though they weren’t _actually_ together, her mom thought they were, and had come to that conclusion all on her own. So, the insinuation that she would _hide_ Emily from her family, like something she was ashamed of, hurt her. Even if they were in a real relationship, she would never do such a thing, couldn’t even fathom it. Emily deserved all the good things in the world and, as her friend, Lindsey wanted to help give her those things. So now, standing in front of her mom, Lindsey was ready to defend her friend and their relationship, whatever the status was. She glared at her mom, but before she could open her mouth, Sonnett cut her off. 

“Oh, you know she’s never been very good at sharing!” She chuckled. 

Hoping to drive her point home, Lindsey wraps herself around Sonnett, resting her chin on the soft fabric of her sweater. 

“She’s all mine, Mom.” 

Emily turned just a little and pressed her lips softly to Lindsey’s temple. Suddenly, she had a feeling that of all the things they’ll undoubtedly do over the next three days, this would be the most couple-y of them all. It was just a quick moment, but the feeling of Emily leaning back just a fraction into the embrace and how she rested her hands on top of Lindsey’s own, the domesticity of it all, would be enough to sustain her for the rest of this crazy weekend. 

*** 

Her mom directed Mike to bring up their bags to Lindsey’s room. Her childhood room. Her room where she and Sonnett had stayed in before, together, but now it felt different. Like she should have seen these kinds of signs. She had just always assumed her mother knew Emily as a close friend and so staying in Lindsey’s bed was no big deal. But _now,_ with recent discoveries, she realized her mom thought Lindsey was sharing a bed with her _girlfriend_ _._ And strangely enough, been okay with it. She had to think long and hard about whether her serially monogamous brother had ever had a girl in his room growing up, but she came up empty. Sonnett tried to protest, claiming she was totally fine with doing it herself. Which, Lindsey knew, was true, but she also knew her mother would always win. She ushered them into the family room where Lindsey’s dad was fixing something on the TV. 

“Lindsey! Welcome home, honey! And Emily! I’m so glad you could come!” Lindsey loved her dad; she and her dad had been tight ever since she was little. It wasn’t until she got older, really once she came home from France and was in her twenties, did she and her mother get closer, but nothing like her relationship with her dad. And her dad loved Sonnett, he told Lindsey as much any time the other blonde came up in a conversation. 

“She’s some girl, that Emily. You’re lucky to have found her.” He would say, when she told him stories about Sonnett’s pranks or the meal Sonnett had made them the night before. Lindsey realized how much she loved to talk about Sonnett, to boast about how amazing she was, and she realized just how easy it was to talk about her best friend like that. Seeing them together, she could tell that her father and Emily were basically the same person. The way they joked lightheartedly with everyone, their cheesy grins, and, most importantly, the way Lindsey loved them. Unconditionally. 

Her mother had ordered take out Chinese food for dinner, apparently exhausted from slaving away in the kitchen for the party tomorrow. They sat on the couch, plates of rice and chicken balanced into their hands, and Lindsey found herself leaning ever so slightly into Emily’s side. She even risked her life, stealing the egg roll off her plate, narrowly avoiding being stabbed by the chopsticks. 

“Not cool.” Sonnett huffed, feigning annoyance. 

“Hey, I thought you said, ‘what’s yours is mine’.” Lindsey giggled. 

“Yeah, what’s _yours_ is _mine._ ” She pantomimed pointing to Lindsey and then back to herself. “Not vice versa.” And then she snatched the last piece of chicken from Lindsey’s plate. 

“God, enough with the cutesy, I can’t handle it!” Mike threw up his hands, exasperatedly. Lindsey just smiled and took a bite of egg roll. 

Later that evening, while they were digesting their food over a bottle of wine, Mike brings up a party he’s headed to with people from the neighborhood, like a reunion of sorts. “I think they’re doing a bonfire or something, do you guys want to come along?” He gestured to the girls. 

Lindsey turned to look at Sonnett. Being around a group of total strangers might be overwhelming, maybe even for Lindsey herself. She was never popular in high school, too busy playing soccer to worry about parties, or make up, or _boys._

“As long as there are s’mores, I’m down.” 

She should have known. Emily’s never met a stranger and always seemed to thrive in a crowd. They throw on their heavy coats and Mike drives them. Sonnett didn’t own a coat heavy enough for a Colorado winter so one of Lindsey’s old ones dwarfed her smaller frame. 

When they arrive, a crowd of maybe about twenty people surrounded the giant fire, burning a stack of wooden pallets. Suddenly, walking toward the group, Lindsey felt oddly protective and reached out for Emily’s gloved hand. Even in her coat, hat, scarf, and gloves, Sonnett shivered. “You can take the girl out of Georgia, but you can’t take Georgia out of the girl” she had said through chattering teeth. 

“Horan!” A voice called out from the other side of the fire. A tall, sandy haired guy comes around to greet them and Lindsey froze. Running toward them was one of her brother’s best friends and her high school boyfriend, Jack. Someone she hadn’t really talked to in years. He had always been more into the relationship than Lindsey, who was 100% focused on her soccer, which led to a not very nice break-up. Seeing him made her body stiffen, which, in turn, caused Emily to look at her with concern. 

“You okay?” She leaned in and whispered, squeezing Lindsey’s hand. 

“Ex.” Was all she could say, suddenly embarrassed by how much this was affecting her. Emily didn’t miss a beat, waiting until Jack was in full view before pressing her lips gently to Lindsey’s cheek, smiling when she pulled away. This stopped him in his tracks, staring at them. He quickly diverted his attention to Mike, as if he hadn’t been running towards Lindsey. “Thanks.” She breathed. 

“Hey, I can add ‘making ex-boyfriends jealous’ to my resume this weekend if you want.” Sonnett nudged her softly, leading her to a log to sit on. 

Lindsey looked up and saw Jack staring at her, staring at _them._ When they make eye contact, he flashes her a smile. When they were together, that smile would make her weak at the knees. Now, it just felt sleazy. She dropped her forehead onto Sonnett’s shoulder. Did she want that? How far was Emily prepared to take this? She realized that Jack was probably invited to the party tomorrow so getting a head start on how to act around him couldn’t hurt. Before she got a chance to answer, he sat down across from them. 

“So, Linds, who’s your friend?” 

_Friend._ He saw they were holding hands. Before she can snap at him and set the record straight (or set her lie straight, actually), Emily untangled their hands and dropped hers on Lindsey’s inner thigh, squeezing it lightly. The sudden contact set Lindsey on fire, even with the layers of clothing between them. She just hoped that her blush was hidden by the flames, and if not, she hoped she could blame it on the cold, mountain air. 

“Emily Sonnett. Girlfriend, actually.” Emily narrowed her eyes at him. “Lindsey doesn’t talk much about people from home so, may I ask who you are?” She was trying to be polite while also throwing shade at him. Lindsey was impressed. 

Jack seemed to be taken aback a little by Sonnett’s directness at first, but settled in, clearly taking her presence as a challenge. “Oh. Lindsey’s never told you about me? I’m surprised, we were kind of a big deal. I’m Jack, by the way.” 

“Key word being ‘were’.” Lindsey snapped. “It’s been years.” She leaned into Emily, wrapping an arm around her back. 

“I was promised s’mores. Jack, can you help with that?” Sonnett asked directly, making him squirm. 

“Uh, I don’t...” 

“I didn’t think so.” Lindsey had to bury her face in Emily’s jacket to hide her laughter. But then, Emily stands, separating them. “Want me to bring you some supplies too, babe?” 

_Babe._ Lindsey was embarrassed by the effect that pet name had on her. Even though she knew Sonnett was just playing along, she couldn’t help the way her stomach flipped when Emily looked at her like this, like they were the only two people in the world. She nodded in response, and Emily left a kiss on the top of her head before taking off toward the table covered in bags of marshmallows and chocolate. Lindsey couldn’t help but watch her walk away. 

“When did you start that, Linds?” 

Lindsey spun around to look at Jack. “Start what?” 

“Well, it’s just… I don’t seem to recall you wishing I had a vagina when we were... you know.” He smiled slyly, making a lewd hand gesture, and Lindsey felt like she might throw up. Or maybe she’d kick a flaming log in his face, either one was possible right now. 

“Fuck you.” She spits. Before she could get anything else out, Sonnett and Mike both returned to the fire. Emily handed her a stick with two marshmallows already speared, as well as a plate full of chocolate and graham crackers. 

“Miss me?” 

“You have no idea.” Lindsey growled. 

“Hey, everything okay?” Emily sat down, turning to try and look Lindsey in the eyes. 

“It is now.” She took a deep breath and tried to push the bite out of her voice. 

“Linds, we can leave you know. I’ll call an Uber right now if that’s what you want.” Her voice was low, laced with concern and Lindsey loved her for it. She shook her head, shooting one last glare across the fire. 

“No, I'm fine. We’re going to make the best s’mores anyone has ever seen.” 

Having Emily with her did make everything okay. They stayed wrapped up in each other, ignoring the party around them. There was no one there that Lindsey had any interest in catching up with, especially after the way Jack acted. Instead, they roasted marshmallows and ate melted chocolate. Lindsey watched her friend take a bite, leaving strands of gooey sugar hanging off her chin. Without even thinking about it, she reached forward and brushed Sonnett’s cheek with her thumb. They made eye contact and Lindsey immediately regretted her decision. She had created an insanely intimate moment while surrounded by strangers. She pulled back and started fiddling with her own food in her lap. 

“Hey, I was saving that for later!” Emily cried indignantly. 

Lindsey stuck her fingers into her s’more and then spread the candy across Sonnett’s cheek. “Well, here you go!” She giggled. 

“Oh, it is so on!” Emily pelted her with graham cracker pieces and smashed a piece of chocolate in her face. Lindsey squealed and tried to duck and cover. Suddenly, Emily was whispering in her ear. “Is he watching?” 

Lindsey slowly looked up and saw that Jack was indeed staring at them while talking in a group of other people. She discreetly nodded, looking at Emily. She knew she must look ridiculous, covered in sticky food, but Emily’s eyes were darker than before. 

“Do you trust me?” She asked, one hand reaching around Lindsey’s neck, pulling them in. Lindsey gulped and nodded. Was this the moment? Was she about to get this thing that she was pretty sure she wanted? 

Emily didn’t kiss her, well not on the lips anyways. She pressed her lips just beyond the corner of Lindsey’s mouth. She felt Emily’s tongue lap at the melted chocolate. She moved to Lindsey’s chin, continuing her ministrations. Suddenly, Lindsey felt powerless. She couldn't help it when a small whimper escaped her lips. She expected Sonnett to pull away sharply, put off by Lindsey’s inability to keep her emotions in check. Instead, she felt Emily smile into one last kiss, this one behind Lindsey’s ear, one of the few spots _not_ covered in food, before pulling away. 

“He still looking?” Lindsey didn’t care about whether or not Jack had seen them. Honestly, the only thing she was thinking about was how much she missed the feeling of Emily’s lips on her. Now that she’d had a taste, it was taking everything in her to not to pull her back in, public place be damned. 

“Who cares?” Lindsey smiled, reaching forward and wrapping herself around Emily and resting her head in the crook of Emily’s neck. 

Eventually, they end up back home, exhausted from their day of travel along with the surprise social interaction, which, in Lindsey’s opinion, they handled as well as could be expected. Sonnett followed her up to the bedroom, shedding all her layers as she walked. 

“Y’all really like this whole ‘winter’ thing? Really?” She unraveled her scarf and peeled off her sweater. 

“I’d take snow over 100% humidity in the south!” Lindsey giggled. 

When they make it to her bedroom, Lindsey heads to the bathroom, letting Sonnett have a moment to change. They were around each other all the time, but it seemed like the polite thing to do. As she went to close the door, she saw Emily lift her shirt over her head, exposing her bra and, more importantly, her abs. Lindsey had always been jealous of her defined six-pack, but now she felt something that was decidedly _not_ jealousy. She tore her eyes away, closing the door behind her. 

When she stepped out of the bathroom, she saw Emily had already made herself comfortable on Lindsey’s childhood bed, scrolling through something on her phone. When Lindsey stepped into the room, she put down her phone and smiled. Lindsey crawled in next to her, pulling the comforter over the both of them. 

“Sonny? Thanks. For tonight, for all of this. Really.” 

Emily looked over at her, her eyelids already heavy and her smile was sleepy. “Whatever you need Linds. I had fun, being your girlfriend is fun.” 

Her words echoed what she had said a few weeks ago, but now, Lindsey couldn’t help thinking about how good it felt to hear her say it. She turned on her side, her head dangerously close to Emily’s chest and their fingertips brushing under the blanket as she fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked this, let me know in the comments. We will finally meet Gran next chapter, don't worry!


	4. your kind of heaven (has been to hell and back)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well, you’re certainly nothing to shake a stick at, are you?”
> 
> a.k.a. The Lindsey Horan character study you didn't ask for. Mentions of eating disorders and mental health issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, I'm truly blown away by your love of this work. It means the world to me and I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint.

Sometime later, in the middle of the night, Lindsey woke up needing water. But she soon discovered she was trapped underneath something, or _someone_ in this case. In her sleep, Emily had curled herself around Lindsey, resting her head over Lindsey’s heart. The rhythmic rise and fall of her back mesmerized Lindsey as she listened to her soft breathing. It was a wonder Sonnett didn’t wake up, her ear pressed in such a way that it was impossible not to hear the way Lindsey’s heart was pounding. As much as her cottonmouth bugged her, Lindsey couldn’t bring herself to move, to detangle their limbs, to let go of the heat that radiated off Emily’s body. Instead, she laid back against her pillow, running wispy blonde hair through her fingers until she fell back to sleep. 

Lindsey woke up the next morning to an empty bed. Confused, she looked around the room, wondering where Emily had run off to. The other side was still warm, meaning she hadn’t been gone too long. Emily had always been an early riser, never one to waste her time twiddling on her phone in bed, something Lindsey did nearly every morning. She could hear muffled sounds from downstairs that had to be her mom making breakfast. She slid out of the sheets and tucked her feet into her slippers, shuffling to the steps. 

As she wandered down the hall, Lindsey stopped to look at the frames that hung on the wall. Some were of her and her brother, at Christmas or one their birthdays. Some were from family vacations, but none since Lindsey was in middle school. She hadn’t gone on a family vacation since she started playing soccer at a more elite level, their vacations became tournaments. Sometimes they’d get lucky, traveling somewhere warm like California or Arizona. Other times, Lindsey had to travel to places like New York or Ohio in the dead of winter. Every once in a while, she wondered if she and Emily’s paths crossed at one of those tournaments without knowing. 

There was a picture near the end of the hallway from the day Lindsey signed with PSG. She looked at her sweet, naïve, 18-year-old self and almost laughed. She would never trade the skills she developed playing in France for anything, but she wished someone had explained more about what she was getting into. 

Years of having her physical appearance constantly mocked had broken her mentally, unable to understand how to get to the point where her coaches wanted her. They told her to lose weight, so she’d go days without eating. When they told her to work on her endurance, she would leave practice and run around Paris until she could barely stand. She didn’t know what else to do but nothing seemed to impress the coach. Tobin used to tell her “it’s just French culture” but Lindsey couldn’t help but notice no one ever had a negative thing to say about Tobin, ever. She spent too many nights awake, crying her eyes out, and wishing her parents hadn’t been so supportive of skipping college. What would her life have been like if she’d just gone to UNC like she was supposed to? 

Even so many years removed, Lindsey still hated looking at herself in the mirror. She hated how big her thighs and shoulders were, especially when she saw photos of herself with people like Tobin, or Ellie, or _Sonnett._ Any self-confidence she once had had been beaten out of her in France, and she was still working to build it back. She had gotten better with her eating habits, not measuring and counting every single snack and not weighing herself religiously, but big meals at holidays or parties (like today) overwhelmed her and if she ended up eating anything at all, she would likely force herself to throw it back up that night. She remembered a night about a year ago where Emily caught her throwing up in the bathroom at the end of a big Thorns event. She had been so worried, wanting to take Lindsey to the hospital. Emily took Lindsey back to her apartment that night, never taking her watchful eyes off her. She had pulled Lindsey into her bed and covered her with her own body. The weight on top of her, it helped Lindsey relax for once. She had never told Emily just how bad it had been for her in France until that night. Emily had found her a therapist by the next morning, promising to go along if Lindsey wanted her to. 

Sometimes, she felt like she took up too much space, physically, and so she tried to hide in the background. The attention that came with being a member of the national team sometimes felt like too much. She never felt like she deserved all the praise she was given. Even when she was younger, her dad would tell her “great game” even if her team lost, and she hated it. Her team had lost, how could she have had a “ _great game_ ”? She tried desperately to hide, to shrink, but Emily never let her. Her best friend was so in awe of Lindsey, of both her skill and of her person, that she refused to let Lindsey hide away. Ever. Emily celebrated Lindsey’s successes more than her own, and Lindsey never felt more loved than when Emily was proud of her. 

Lindsey hoped that she was that person for Sonnett too. The person that was there, no matter what. Emily was just as bad about tucking her feelings away until she couldn’t contain them anymore. She remembered the first time she saw Emily burst. It was in 2017, after winning the NWSL final. It was like Emily didn’t know how to process everything that was happening to her. She was playing so well for her club but hadn’t been called up for the national team all year. Lindsey remembered how they were celebrating the win at a party in Orlando, and then Emily lost it. She snuck outside when she thought no one was watching and Lindsey found her bawling on the back steps of the club. She couldn’t even verbalize what she was feeling, and Lindsey didn’t push. They sat outside for a long time before calling an Uber back to the hotel, the championship momentarily forgotten. When Emily told her about Australia, Lindsey hugged her as tightly as she could, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. When she came home, Lindsey refused to let Emily out of arm's length for two days, worried that she might slip away again. 

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she waited before stepping into the kitchen. The scene before her might have been the most adorable moment she had ever witnessed. Her mom was setting the table for breakfast while Emily, clad in a flowery apron, was mixing batter on the counter. The two were laughing at something and Lindsey could just make out the sprinkle of flour that had found its way onto her cheek. 

“What’s so funny?” Lindsey quipped, walking into the room. 

Emily turned and smiled at her, setting the mixing bowl down and walked over to greet Lindsey. She wrapped them in a tight hug, pressing her lips just behind Lindsey’s ear. Lindsey could feel her face flush with color as she closed her eyes for a beat, savoring the touch. 

“Good morning, sunshine!” She was so perky in the morning, always had been, and Lindsey tried to keep up, cupping Emily’s face gently, wiping the flour away with her thumb. She looked up and into Emily’s smiling eyes as her friend said, “Just in time, want to help me finish this up?” 

Lindsey nodded, allowing herself to be pulled over to the counter, where Emily put the whisk in her hand. 

“You work on this, I’ll make you some coffee, okay?” She didn’t actually wait for Lindsey’s answer, floating off towards the coffee maker. Lindsey had to force herself not to stare as she walked away, wondering if wearing an old apron of her mother’s should be as cute as it seemed in this moment. “I’m not hearing any whisking!” 

Lindsey returned to her task, listening to Emily banter with her mom about some Bravo show they both had been watching. She pressed the waffle maker, creating a pile of perfect golden-brown ones and placed them on the table. Even Lindsey could figure out how to make waffles. Well, as long as someone made the batter first. Emily came up behind her, one arm around Lindsey as she pushed a mug into her hands. 

“A mountain of sugar, just the way you like.” She scrunched her nose, unsuccessfully trying to hide her grimace. Emily was a coffee connoisseur, or a coffee _snob_ really, with her fancy coffee maker and her latte art. Lindsey just needed the caffeine, and she was too impatient to wait for something fancy, something she was supposed to take her time to enjoy. 

“What would I do without you, Em?” Lindsey cooed, leaning into Emily’s side and dropping her head to rest on her shoulder. 

“I honestly don’t know. Who else would put up with you?” That earned Emily a pinch on her side, squealing as she jumped away from Lindsey. 

Just as they were sitting down to eat, the front door opened and there were voices coming from the foyer. 

“Lindsey Michelle, you know it’s rude to leave your elderly great-grandmother waiting.” A sharp voice came through the house and Lindsey raced to greet her. 

“Gran! You’re here!” Lindsey hugged her deeply, but not too hard. Her grandmother wasn’t a frail woman, still hearty and tough for someone turning 100 years old. She wore a no-nonsense pair of slacks and a dark, green sweater. Her thick, white hair was short, but stylish. She was much shorter than Lindsey but made up for it with her presence. 

“Well, of course I’m here. It’s my party, is it not?” 

Lindsey led her grandmother through the house and into the kitchen. “Would you like breakfast, Gran?” 

“Did you make it?” She asked pointedly and Lindsey laughed. 

“No, not me. Emily did most of the heavy lifting.” She gestured towards Sonnett, who was hovering in the background nervously. 

“Emily! Of course, come here darling!” Gran gestured for her to come closer, taking Emily’s hands in her own. “Let me get a look at this woman my Lindsey is so smitten with.” She looked Sonnett up and down before showing her a thin-lipped smile. “Well, you’re certainly nothing to shake a stick at, are you?” 

“Gran!” Lindsey yelped. 

“What?! That was a compliment.” Emily’s face was beet-red now from embarrassment, still unable to get even the word “hello” out. “Does she speak?’ There was a hint of playfulness in her voice that Lindsey was only able to pick up on after 25 years of practice. 

“Yes ma’am, I’m sorry. It’s very nice to meet you, I’ve heard so much about you.” Emily says in a shy, quiet voice that Lindsey wasn’t sure she had ever heard before, falling back on her roots in southern hospitality. 

It wasn’t like Lindsey was rude to people (on purpose), but she didn’t always necessarily go out of her way to be _nice_ either. Emily was always nice; she didn’t have a mean bone in her body. Sure, she was pretty ruthless on the field, but there were too many times Lindsey had watched her go over and apologize separately to anyone she may have tackled a little too roughly after a game. It always annoyed Lindsey to no end, watching her friend say she was _sorry_ for doing her _job_ , and people accepted it! 

One time at National Team camp, Emily had bodied Lindsey off a ball, causing her to slip backwards and fall on her butt. After the play was over, she found Lindsey taking her water break. 

“Hey, are you okay? Sorry I knocked you over back there.” She would say, and it infuriated Lindsey. 

“Sonny stop apologizing! That’s a fucked-up habit, you don’t need to apologize for anything, ever. Especially not to me.” 

Emily had been taken aback by her best friend’s tone. “Sorry, Linds.” Lindsey threw up her hands, defeated. 

Back in the kitchen, Emily stood while Gran looked her up and down. She flicked her eyes over to Lindsey, her expression hopeful, like she was waiting for approval. Before Lindsey could step in, her Gran stepped away, dropping Emily’s hands. 

“Emily, would you come help me with my bag, please? It is quite heavy, and Michael has already gotten most of my things.” 

In the background, Lindsey’s mom sighed. “Things? As in for multiple days?” 

Emily turned to head out the front door. “Gran, wait! Sonny is a guest too; I’ll get your bag.” 

“Nonsense. She doesn’t mind.” 

“I mind! She’s my guest.” Lindsey groaned. 

“Linds, I really don’t mind. It’ll take two minutes.” 

Again, with the manners. Lindsey exhaled harshly and sent them on their way. She stood at the living room window, watching them walk to the car. Gran had said something to make the two of them laugh. Lindsey loved watching Emily’s laugh, loved how she’d throw her head back just a little, her eyes squinting in the sun. She slung the garment bag over her shoulder and turned back toward the house. As if she already knew, Emily found Lindsey’s eyes in the window, showing her quick thumbs up before walking back in the house. 

After breakfast, Lindsey’s mom went into full party mode. She moved around furniture and pulled the food she had been making over the last few days out of the fridge and freezer. Lindsey couldn’t help but notice how many different meat dishes there were in comparison to sides. Emily wasn’t officially vegan or vegetarian, but she rarely ate any meat. She threw in a burger or a small steak every so often if Dawn told her that her iron was really low, but most of the time she preferred veggies and meat substitute. Emily caught her staring at all the food and squeezed Lindsey’s hand. 

“I told my mom you don’t eat meat; she must have forgotten. I’m sorry, Sonny.” Lindsey huffed. 

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry. I’m not Kelley, I do eat meat sometimes. And there’s plenty of sides.” She joked. 

“Yeah, but you’re a guest. We should have something you want to eat.” 

Emily lowered her forehead, burrowing into Lindsey’s shoulder. “Linds, I’ll be fine, I promise. You can make it up to me later.” 

Gran chastised the girls for still being in their pajamas when guests were supposed to be arriving any minute and shooed them up the stairs. Lindsey left Sonnett in her bathroom and went down the hall to her parents’. She had picked out a maroon sweater and black pants with heels to match. Lindsey loved wearing heels, even if they made her taller than just about everyone in the room. There was some power in wearing high heels. She curled her hair just a little and put on a little eye make up for the first time in a long time. She tried to convince herself that she just wanted to look presentable, it was a party after all. She was most certainly _not_ dressing up for a certain blonde down the hall. 

Suddenly, there was a soft knock on the bathroom door. “Hurry up, beauty queen! Those spanakopita appetizers are calling my name!” Lindsey pulled open the door and she swore she heard Sonnett’s sharp inhale. “Whoa.” 

“Cat got your tongue, Sonny?” Lindsey giggled. 

Emily swallowed before speaking again. “You look good, Linds. Like, _really_ good.” 

“You’re not so bad yourself!” 

Even though Lindsey had helped her pack it, seeing Emily in her black dress made her stomach flip. She had swapped her denim jacket for a light grey sweater and (unintentionally) a maroon scarf. 

“We’re matching.” Lindsey finally says. 

“I can go change; I’ll go without it.” Emily was already unraveling the scarf when Lindsey took her hand away. 

“Couples match sometimes. Plus, you look cute!” Her hair was pulled into a low bun at the nape of her neck, a few stray pieces already loose. Lindsey thought she looked perfect and Emily deserved to know it. “Are you ready for this?” 

“Lindsey, come on. Your family loves me, I even think your Gran is warming up to me. Let’s go, babycakes!” Emily held out her hand, lacing their fingers together leading them toward the stairs. 

“You cannot call me that!” 

“Okay, sure, honeybuns.” Emily giggled. 

_I think I might love you to_ _o._

*** 

The party was in full swing within a few hours. Relatives of Lindsey’s had come from far and wide, though most of them were ones she had never really been around outside of weddings and funerals. There was a handful of her parents’ friends from around the neighborhood, along with some of Mike’s friends. That most likely meant that Jack was lurking around somewhere. Lindsey kept her eyes peeled, hoping to avoid him all night. 

Emily really did fit in like she knew all of these people already. She was bonding with Lindsey’s aunt over the homemade sangria she had brought, laughing about something that Emily had said. 

Lindsey watched from behind the kitchen island, slowly sipping her own drink. The food had been out for a while, but Lindsey had barely touched a thing. Potentially high stress situations like parties and heavy drinking set Lindsey on edge. She was hyper aware of how many people were around her, looking at her and judging her. It had been an issue since France years ago. She couldn’t always put words to why she felt that way, but Emily had taught her that was okay. “Feel whatever you need to feel”, she had said. Emily was probably the only person who knew just how deep her insecurities went and how hard she fought against them. During the buildup and subsequent celebrations of the World Cup, Lindsey clung to her. Even when they weren’t rooming together, the two of them usually ended up in the same bed at some point. She was incredibly thankful that her teammates didn’t seem bothered by it. One time, Kelley had even gone out of her way to bring food for the both of them, just assuming that Lindsey would have infiltrated their room eventually. Emily was just so good at keeping her calm, so good at making Lindsey confront her feelings, but in her own gentle way. 

But today was the first time in a long time she had been in the middle of a crowd like this, in a small space, and her brain was going into self-preservation mode. Without realizing it, Emily had sidled up beside her, holding a plate of fruit, plus some salsa and a few chips. 

“You have to eat.” She said sternly. 

“I’m not hungry.” 

“Lindsey. Eat. Just one thing.” They’d been through this song and dance before. The last time was the day of the ticker-tape parade and the ESPYs. They all were mainlining champagne throughout the day, but Emily was there every hour or so, forcing Lindsey to eat something. A package of peanut butter crackers or an orange (which she peeled ahead of time) was all she was asking, but to Lindsey it was a lot. It was so hard to put into words why she got this way, but Emily never needed to know _why_ , she just wanted to help get her out of it. 

Lindsey grabbed a single grape off the paper plate and popped it in her mouth. “There. Happy?” 

“No, but it’ll do for now.” She swiped Lindsey’s drink away, dumping what was left into the sink. “You have to eat if you want to drink. Otherwise I’ll be putting you to bed in an hour and you know it.” 

She was right, Lindsey had no alcohol tolerance, and it was only compounded when she didn’t eat before. But she didn’t feel like dealing with that issue right now, she just wanted her brain to slow down and alcohol seemed like an ideal way to do that. She walked away from Emily, grabbing a beer from the cooler in the sunroom. She swore she could _hear_ Emily’s eye roll from the next room. 

Her parents had set up heaters on their patio so that people could enjoy being outside, luckily there wasn’t any snow in the forecast. Lindsey stumbled out into the crowd, catching the attention of a few guests. _Only_ _two_ _beers in_ _._ _G_ _ood going, Linds._

She could feel Emily’s eyes on her even from inside. She slumped down into one of the chairs, realizing too late that she’d sat next to the one person she’d hoped to avoid all night. 

“S’up, Linds?” Jack leaned forward, into her space. “Getting the party started without me, I see.” He pointed to her drink. “Where’s your friend? She go home already? What was her name, again? Emma or something?” 

If Lindsey hadn’t been a few drinks in, she might have reacted a different way. Instead, she leaned in even closer until she could whisper to him, her words slurring just a little. “Her name is Emily. Why are you so obsessed with her? Are you jealous that she can actually make me come?” 

The lie was worth it, what with the way he sat back sharply, eyes wide. As if her ears were burning, suddenly Emily was wrapping her arms around Lindsey’s chest from behind. It was just a little possessive, the way her nose gently nuzzled Lindsey’s neck, who had to restrain herself from sighing into it too much. 

“Everything okay over here?” Her voice had a hint of warning in it. 

“It is now!” Lindsey took Emily’s hand and pulled her around so she could sit in Lindsey’s lap. She leaned back, resting against Lindsey’s chest. Again, that physical weight on top of her seemed to help Lindsey settle. 

Jack looked Emily up and down before his gaze fell back on Lindsey, that wry smile back on his face. “So, you guys coming with us tonight after the party?” 

“Coming with you where?” 

“That new bar downtown.” 

Emily shifted a little on Lindsey’s lap and squeezed her hand. “Linds, I don’t know—” 

“It could be fun, Em!” If Lindsey hadn’t been drinking, she may have seen this for what it was. 

“Yeah, come on, _Em_ _.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... what are we thinking?? Let me know in the comments! I loosely based Gran on a character from one of my favorite TV shows, can you guess who?


	5. your soul is yours (but i'll help it move if i can)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t you dare lie to me.”
> 
> Maybe you weren't looking for Sonnett's point of view, but too bad!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please know that I have next to no experience with eating disorders, so I tried my best to keep it fairly vague where possible. Also mentions of mental health concerns.

_so, dance carefree, i hope it’s easier knowing me._

Emily Sonnett was never one to back down from a challenge. Not when a girl at her school dared her to cut her own bangs in 5th grade, or when a guy from the men's’ team bet that she wouldn’t streak the lawn at UVA, and definitely not now. And Jack’s words were exactly that, a _challenge._ It was like he was trying to goad her into an argument, as if maybe Lindsey would take his side over hers. 

Falling in love with Lindsey Horan was the easiest thing Emily had ever done. So easy, in fact, she didn’t even realize it was happening until it was too late. It wasn’t until later on that she was sure, but looking back, she had probably been in love with Lindsey since the day they met. She was just so effervescent, she radiated joy all the time. Emily swore those ice blue eyes could see right through to her soul sometimes. Like that night after the NWSL championship. 

Growing up, Emily was always the best at whatever she did. School, sports, you name it, she was good at it. In college, even when she was transitioned to defense, turns out she was good at that too, maybe even better than she was as a forward. She received award after award for her efforts, even was a Mac Hermann finalist in her senior year. It wasn’t like she hadn’t expected playing professionally and for her country to be easy, but she had no idea just how hard it would be. 

Having the opportunity to play in Portland, probably the biggest soccer community in America, was a chance of a lifetime. Leaving college was difficult but the rewards seemed to outweigh the risk. Being picked first was a little nerve-wracking, but again, Emily knew she was good at soccer, even when people questioned why a team would use a first-round pick on a _defender_ , like the word was taboo. Playing with the Thorns was fun, being a professional athlete seemed like it was going to be fun. But then, the comments and the harassment started, armchair quarterbacks giving their opinion about her play. Everyone told her: _don’t read them, don’t think about that, they don’t know anything_ but it wasn’t always that simple. It was the worst whenever she got called up to the national team. People nitpicked every move and questioned why she was even there; let alone why she was getting a lot of minutes. She already knew that she wasn’t as good as Kelley or, God forbid, Becky, but people just _loved_ to remind her of it. 

Enter Lindsey, who knew the pressures that Emily was under, knew them better than she let on. From their first practice together, she knew this girl would become her best friend. Lindsey came into her life when that was exactly what she needed, a friend. 

That night, after the game, Emily felt like she was in a haze. She knew what was going on around her, but her brain seemed to make everything just a little fuzzy, like she wasn’t really there, but more like she was looking through a frosted glass. People were all around her, congratulating her, but it was like she’d gone deaf. The weight of the medal around her neck felt like lead, like an anvil crushing her chest. She didn’t deserve this; she didn’t deserve anyone’s praise. The ribbon around her neck felt like it was choking her. She ran outside, ripped the medal from her neck and threw it as far down the alley as she possibly could, never wanting to see it again. She collapsed on the stairs, unable to stop the tears. 

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, but suddenly there was a hand resting gently just below her shoulder. 

“Sonny? What’s wrong?” Her words were quiet, unsure. Emily just looked at her, at the worried look on Lindsey’s face, and burst out into tears all over again. 

“I don’t belong here; I don’t deserve this.” She was hyperventilating now, struggling to get the words out. 

Lindsey sat down next to her on the stairs, her arm warm around Emily’s back. “Em, what are you talking about? You absolutely deserve this.” 

Nobody called her Em except Lindsey and Kelley (sometimes). She wasn’t sure when it started, but it stuck through the years. To everyone else, it was always variations of her last name, same as in college. But somehow, Lindsey had wormed her way into Emily’s heart once again in a way that just seemed natural. Hearing her say that, Emily always knew that it meant that she had 100% of Lindsey’s attention, which made her feel special. 

“No, no I don’t.” 

Both of Lindsey’s arms wrapped tightly around her, pulling her close so that Emily’s face rested right in the middle of her chest. Lindsey whispered sweet affirmations into her hair, letting Emily sob until there was nothing left. She took Emily’s hand, and they found their way back to the hotel room. Unlike for the national team, with the Thorns the two of them always roomed together. They were a package deal wherever they went, and that night was no exception. All Emily could remember about that night was the way Lindsey held her, tight to her chest, and how it felt so reassuring, like nothing bad could ever happen to her if she just stayed right here in Lindsey’s arms. 

The next morning, Lindsey had already gone down to breakfast by the time Emily woke up. As she went to pull out her change of clothes, she saw that her championship medal had been placed on top of her suitcase. 

*** 

Emily would never be able to say no to Lindsey Horan, she knew that. Lindsey deserved as many good things in her life as the universe could conceive, and she wanted to be the one to help make those things happen.

She thought about that night after the start-of-season reception that the Thorns hosted for the players. She had only been back from Australia a short time and she had been spending it all with Lindsey. They had been FaceTiming each other plenty, but it wasn’t the same as being together, being in each other’s space. Lindsey had excused herself to the restroom as their group was getting ready to leave. After waiting a while and telling their friends to go on ahead, that they would catch up later, Emily went to check on her. 

Lindsey must not have heard her come in, otherwise Emily probably wouldn’t have gotten the chance to see what she did. Her beautiful, amazing friend, ruining her dress by kneeling on the floor, her head over the toilet and her fingers down her throat, forcing herself to throw up. 

“Linds!” Emily cried, racing to her side. “Lindsey, stop! Stop!” Her face was stained with tears, a look of sheer embarrassment crossing her face, horrified that Emily had found her this way. 

“Em, it’s not a big deal, I just didn’t feel well.” She tried to wave it off. Someone who didn’t know Lindsey that well might have believed her. 

“Don’t you dare lie to me.” Emily could see her eyes welling up with tears. 

“I just...” 

Emily stuck her hand out, pulling Lindsey off the ground. “Come on, let’s go home.” 

It never even crossed Emily’s mind to take Lindsey back to her own apartment. There was no way she could leave her alone in such a state. She pulled into the garage and came around to open Lindsey’s door. 

“Why didn’t you just drop me off? Aren’t you going out with the girls?” 

Emily turned to look at her. How could she possibly think, for even a second, that Emily would leave her alone right now? “I’m not going anywhere right now, except upstairs and you’re coming with.” 

Lindsey didn’t argue, she just hung her head and followed Emily to her apartment. Emily forced her into the shower, leaving a pair of shorts and sweatshirt that Lindsey had left there some time ago. While she was in the shower, Emily spent a few minutes researching how she should respond to Lindsey’s problem, about how she was supposed to approach someone in this state. She didn’t want to do anything that might set Lindsey off, she just wanted to make sure she knew that Emily loved her and cared about her. 

She lifted the comforter and gestured for Lindsey to climb into the bed with her. Emily wrapped herself around Lindsey, hoping the pressure would help Lindsey’s own body to relax. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Emily whispered into thick, blonde hair. Lindsey shook her head violently, almost knocking into Emily’s own. “Okay.” Was all Emily said back, burying her face in the crook of Lindsey’s neck, breathing her in. She didn’t wear perfume very often, but the smell was unmistakably _Lindsey._ It was a mixture of her Dove soap and the florals of her shampoo. _White g_ _ardenias_ , Emily thought, Lindsey’s favorite flower. Years ago, after being told as much, Emily looked up the flowers, hoping to find a florist nearby so she could bring some home. What she found instead was so perfect she couldn’t believe it. 

_The white gardenia flower symbolizes purity, joy_ _,_ _and gentleness. Another symbol of the gardenia is_ _a_ _secret love between two people._

From that moment on, it was Emily’s favorite too. 

That night, Emily stayed awake, staring at the swirling fan on the ceiling. She was pretty sure Lindsey was awake too, but she chose to pretend she couldn’t tell the difference between her normally slow, deep breaths when she slept and now. If Lindsey didn’t want to talk, she wasn’t going to push, not right now anyways. Somewhere around 2:30, she felt Lindsey shift under her, just a little. 

“It’s been happening since France.” She said, her voice shaky. 

Emily’s heart broke right then and there. Her sweet, joyful, Lindsey had been going through this for _years_ with no one knowing, with no one to lean on. Emily had known that things had been rough for her, going abroad, but Lindsey never elaborated much about what it was like. Emily had tried to find out from Tobin, but she seemed just as in the dark as everyone else. Plus, Tobin was only there for a year. 

“Lindsey—” 

“My coach used to watch me eat during team meals. He would shake his head or sometimes just stare at me, like I made the wrong choice, or I had too much on my plate. He would follow me around everywhere. When we worked out, the strength coaches always said things like ‘you’re going to have to work harder than that if you want to look like everyone else here’ or ‘you need to do extra, you’ve got more pounds than everyone else’ or ‘what did you eat last night, you look like a whale’. Day in and day out like that. For a while I just stopped eating anything at all.” Lindsey took a deep breath. “I don’t do it all the time, not anymore.” 

Emily had to choke back her own tears. It all made a little more sense now. The way Lindsey obsessively checked labels on food before buying them, how she would close her eyes when she would step on the scale when they did their medical tests, resisting the urge to look for as long as she could. Emily was horrified by her own ignorance, but now wasn’t time for that. She had to be strong, Lindsey needed her to be strong. She wished she could make this pain go away for her. 

“You’re so amazing, Linds. I know it, our friends know it, the world knows it. You are the Great Horan after all.” Lindsey smiled, just barely, and Emily left a chaste kiss to her temple. 

“it’s just... sometimes it all feels like too much. Like everything is happening _to_ me, instead of _for_ me. I can’t remember the last time I felt like I had control of anything. Of my thoughts, of my body, my soccer, anything. It-it gives me some control.” 

It seemed to take all of Lindsey’s strength to get those words out, like they were stuck in her throat. Emily didn’t say anything at first, she just nuzzled Lindsey’s neck, a reminder that she was there, that she was listening. 

“Have you ever considered talking to someone about it?” She felt Lindsey’s body stiffen underneath her and Emily regretted the question. “I mean, you can talk to me about it as much or as little as you want but I don't know how to help you. I wish I did.” 

Lindsey didn’t answer at first, she just squeezed Emily around her middle, pressing them closer together. 

“I wish you did too.” 

The next morning, Emily climbed out of the bed as quietly as she could, slipping out into the kitchen. She turned on the coffee pot before settling down on the couch. She started searching online for any specialists in Portland that dealt with eating disorders. There were so many options, so many reviews to go through. By the time Lindsey woke up, she had it narrowed down to two and gave Lindsey the choice. 

“Linds, I promise I’ll go with you and I’ll sit there and hold your hand the whole time if you want. I’m scared for you, let me help make it better.” Emily pleaded. 

She didn’t say anything at first, rounding the couch and sitting down. She lowered her head into Emily’s lap, ice blue eyes looking watery and vulnerable. 

“Okay.” 

2018 became the year of Lindsey Horan. NWSL Team of the Month on all but one occasion. Goal of the Week more than one time. And of course, winning the Most Valuable Player. Even though they didn’t win the championship, seeing Lindsey finally thrive and feel a bit of freedom was better than any trophy. 

The day Lindsey found out about the MVP, the pure happiness written on her face, was the day that Emily knew she was in love. 

*** 

When Lindsey asked her to go to Denver and pretend to be her girlfriend, there was no hesitation. There wasn’t anything she could ask of Emily where she might day no. Over the years, Emily had tried, but there was no denying her. She had obviously been embarrassed to ask but softened one she realized that Emily was on board. 

And it was so easy to pretend. Their lives didn’t actually even change that much. Emily knew that it could be a problem down the road with how easily their teammates bought into it. She will never forget that conversations she had with Kelley and Tobin the day they found out. 

“Sonny, I’m not kidding. I swear to God, if you hurt her, no one will find your body. I’ve watched enough Criminal Minds to know how to make you disappear.” If it was anyone but Tobin, Emily might have actually been scared. If it had come from Alex or Ashlyn, she very well might have caved and told the truth. But Tobin? Tobin wouldn’t hurt a fly; it just wasn’t in her nature. 

Kelley, on the other hand, nearly saw right through her. The two of them had always been this way, cut from the same cloth. They loved big and they did whatever they could to care for their friends, including, if not mostly, for each other. When Kelley called her, Emily thought for sure that she already figured out the lie. 

“Do you have something you want to tell me?” Kelley asked. Emily could see that she was leaning against the kitchen counter, the phone propped up against something. Her eyes weren’t fiery, like she was mad, but more like a little sparkly, like she knew a secret and was waiting for Emily to ask her about it. 

“I always have things to tell you! Oh, I’m going to share this taco recipe I found, it’s vegan-friendly.” 

“You know that’s not what I meant, Peach.” Kelley rolled her eyes. They had always called each other Peach, it just seemed right for a pair of Georgia gals. When it first started happening, Alex snorted. 

“I don’t need to hear your lovey-dovey pet names for each other! Save that for the bedroom!” 

It wasn’t the first time someone assumed she and Kelley were dating and it certainly wouldn't be the last. Besides Lindsey, Kelley was Emily's absolute best friend. Sure, when they first met, Emily had a little crush, but it developed into a strong friendship. Maybe if Lindsey had never come into her life, things might have been different. Emily had grown up with a sister, but Kelley was the older, over-protective presence Emily didn’t know she needed. Kelley shielded her from so many things and taught her so much about herself. She knew about Emily’s insecurities, sharing so many of them with her. Kelley always gave off this bravado, this energy that intimidated others, but underneath all of it, she was just as scared as Emily. She knew about Emily’s feelings for Lindsey, or at least as much as Emily let on. 

“You know what I’m talking about, Sonnett. Were you really not going to tell me?” Kelley’s voice had a little hurt behind it, blink and you would have missed it. 

“I just... I don’t know. It felt– it feels fragile. I don’t want to scare her away.” 

Kelley looked at her through the phone screen. “You could never, Em. That girl loves you.” 

“She doesn’t... there is no way.” She shook her head violently. Emily knew that if Kelley was there with her, this would be the moment she would pull her into a hug. Kelley gave the best hugs, sometimes even better than Lindsey’s. 

“How could anyone _not_ love you?” Kelley sounded almost wistful at first, but before Emily could say anything, she had moved on. “So... tell me! When? Where? Who? How much?” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively. 

She and Lindsey hadn’t come up with a specific back story, so she tried to be as vague as possible. “Uhh... when we came home from France I guess, sometime after that? At my house? I kissed her one night while we were having dinner. How much?” It took a second to understand that question and then she rolled her eyes. “You’re gross, you don’t need to know that.” 

Kelley snickered. “So, a lot huh?” 

*** 

When they had shown up at Lindsey’s house in Denver, Emily felt so warm. She’d been here before, on several short occasions, but it always felt like home. Lindsey’s parents always hugged her as soon as she got there and were genuinely interested in what she had been up to since they last saw or spoke to her. 

Going out to that bonfire set Emily back about twenty steps in her “Keep Your Feelings Hidden” plan that she’d been working on the past four years. But it just felt so _good._ It felt good to wrapped in Lindsey’s arms, to make that idiotic ex-boyfriend of hers jealous. She just couldn’t comprehend how someone could let a girl as amazing as Lindsey get away. 

Part of her was jealous of Jack though. He _had_ had Lindsey at one point. Not that she was some prize to won or anything, but he knew Lindsey in a way Emily probably never would. 

When she pressed her lips just beyond Lindsey’s mouth, Emily’s body caught fire. Maybe it was because of the _actual_ fire in front of them, but this warmth seemed to be building from inside. When Lindsey didn’t pull away, didn’t start laughing hysterically, Emily let herself go a little farther than maybe she should have. But it’s _Lindsey._

She could tell once the party was in full swing that Lindsey was agitated. She had snapped at Emily for taking her drink and left the plate of food all but untouched. As she made to follow her out the door, Emily felt a small, soft hand on the back of her arm. 

“I would give her a moment, dear.” 

Lindsey’s grandmother led her to an armchair in the sunroom and sat down. 

“My Lindsey, she’s always so... composed.” She paused for a moment, searching for the right words. “She doesn’t do well when it comes to addressing her own feelings, I’m sure you know this.” 

Emily nodded. She did know, and she knew how self-destructive Lindsey could become because of it. 

“You are good for her. I never see her smile so bright as when she’s talking about you, Emily.” Usually, when someone used her full first name, it felt rigid, like she was in trouble. But now, it just felt warm. 

“She’s good for me too.” Emily can’t help but smile. 

“I don’t think my great-granddaughter has ever been in love before, so please be patient with her.” The words hit Emily like a freight train to the chest. She couldn’t even think of a response, she just gaped. Gran patted Emily’s knee as she stood back up. “Give her a little time to catch up to you, okay? It won’t take long.” 

Emily Sonnett was never one to back down from a challenge. She leaned farther back, turning her head to press her lips against Lindsey’s temple, covered by soft curls. “Once I embarrass you on the dance floor, you’re going to wish you hadn’t invited us.” 

Lindsey giggled and it might be the best sound Emily had ever heard. _Us._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? What do we think? Drop a comment to let me know. The plot hasn't technically moved forward, but I hope you enjoy having a lot more of the back story for these two. Happy Friday!


	6. for all the things my hands have held (the best by far is you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You. Sonny. You and Sonny. Sonny and you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unwanted advances.

Lindsey liked going out sometimes. She wished that it wasn’t always a little stressful too, being watched or touched. In Portland, she and her friends got recognized pretty much anywhere they went. Even in dark clubs or hole-in-the-wall coffee shops. Most people were respectful of their space, but Lindsey could always feel their eyes on her. Here in Denver, though, not that many people knew who she was. If they were outside the soccer community, there was a chance they had never even heard of Lindsey Horan or Emily Sonnett. A chance to be themselves for a little while. 

The place was crowded, it was Saturday night after all. Jack turned once they entered, reaching out to guide Lindsey to the bar. Emily intercepted them, gripping Lindsey’s hand with her own, running her thumb across her knuckles. Jack looked at them and rolled his eyes. _C_ _an_ _he tell we'_ _re faking it? Does he know?_ Lindsey panicked in silence before sidling up to the bar top, untwisting their fingers so she could drop her hand to Emily's lower back, just a _little_ lower than she might have on any other night. 

Lindsey wasn’t drunk, not really, but the warmth she felt when she pressed her hand there certainly didn’t sober her up either. She felt Emily stiffen initially at the intimate placement, but then she relaxed, leaning into it ever so slightly. Emily ordered them a beer each and didn’t even give Lindsey a chance to argue about who was going to pay. 

“You’re my guest, you’re doing _this_ to help me out.” She gestured between the two of them. She wondered later if she had imagined it, but Emily seemed to wince at Lindsey’s statement before responding. 

“Now you owe me, so you have to eat this.” She took Lindsey’s beer out of her hand and shoved a small protein bar in its place as they walked to the high top table near where Jack, Mike and their friends were congregating. 

“Em...” 

“Eat, Lindsey. Look, I’ll even take half.” She opened the wrapped and broke the granola bar in half, taking a bite. Not wanting to cause a scene, Lindsey mirrored her, and Emily smiled wide, her eyes crinkling at the sides. It was her “Lindsey smile”, the one that they shared only between the two of them. “Good job, now you can have this.” And she handed Lindsey back her beer. 

“You don’t have to treat me like a baby.” 

“I know, but it works.” Emily smirked at her before tipping the bottle to her lips. Lindsey had never really noticed before, but she stared at the way the muscles in Emily’s neck strained as she tilted her head back. She thought about how last night, at the bonfire, Emily had basically kissed her neck, and Lindsey kind of wondered what that might be like. What it might be like to feel skin pressed to skin, to maybe leave a little mark, nothing too bold, just because she could. _Maybe Emily would like_ _that_ _feeling too._

Before she is able to let her brain spiral too much, a voice breaks through. “Linds, come on! Let’s dance!” 

It wasn’t the person she wanted to dance with that was calling to her. She looked across the table to Emily, trying to telepathically communicate with her. _I want to dance with you, not him. Tell me not too. Be possessive, be jealous, just this once._ But Emily just shrugged and started picking at the label on her beer bottle. 

Before she could actually say no, Jack took her hand and led her out onto the dance floor. Immediately, she noticed how sweaty his hands were. Emily’s hands were never sweaty, even when she worked out. They were always soft, her long fingers covered in freckles. Jack didn’t have any freckles. 

Lindsey was annoyed by the way he automatically found a space behind her, his hands a little strong on her hips. He tried to grind against her to the beat of the music, but it felt more like he was dry humping her. By the third song, Lindsey turned them just a little so that she could see Emily, sitting at the table still, talking to one of Mike’s friends. A pretty, brunette friend, to be exact. Lindsey felt a low boil in the pit of her stomach, jealousy trying to claw its way up. 

But what did she have to be jealous of? Technically, Emily wasn’t really _hers_ _,_ they were just pretending. But still, it stung a little to watch them. To watch the other girl, watch her place her hand on top of Emily’s. But then, Emily pushed it off and Lindsey’s heart soared. 

Suddenly, she’s reminded of the person behind her, panting in her ear. She kept having to swat at his hands when he tried to move them lower on her body. She looked across the room, desperate for Emily’s attention. Not even because she wanted to make her jealous, but so that Emily would come and cut in. It takes a moment, but Lindsey was finally able to make eye contact. She twisted her face, silently pleading to be rescued. Even from a distance, and in the low light, Lindsey could see the way Emily’s expression changed, the way her eyes, those beautiful blue eyes, went a little dark. Her black dress swished a little with the pace of her walk. She had left her sweater in the coat check, her muscular arms and shoulders on full display. She cut through the crowd until she was face-to-face with Lindsey. 

“Mind if I cut in?” Emily asked, though it didn’t really come out like a question. Lindsey smiled wide, stepping away from Jack without even so much as thought. He rolled his eyes and stalked away, off to find some other warm body to dance with. Lindsey kind of hoped he would go off with the pretty brunette. Not because she tried to hit on Emily, definitely not. Because Lindsey was _not_ jealous. 

Emily wrapped her arms around Lindsey, pressing their bodies together. It didn’t feel anything like when Jack tried, not even close. In Emily’s arms, she felt super-charged, like her body was on fire, but in a good way. She lifted her hands and wrapped them tightly (but not too tightly) around Emily, burying her face into Emily’s neck. She didn’t smell like lavender soap this time, but like roses. Emily never wore perfume. 

“Smell good.” Lindsey said absentmindedly, nuzzling just a little. 

“Thought I’d try and get a little fancy if I’m taking you out on the town.” Emily chuckled in Lindsey’s ear. 

“You always smell good.” She couldn’t stop the words from coming out and felt her face redden, thankful for the darkness in the bar. Emily didn’t say anything back, not at first. She just squeezed Lindsey tighter and swayed to the music. 

Emily was a good dancer, everyone knew that. But Lindsey had never danced with her like _this._ The sensual music blared, and the way Emily was moving, it was making Lindsey a little crazy. She could hear Emily’s hot breath and felt it against her neck, but it didn’t annoy her the way Jack’s had. No, this was different. Lindsey wasn’t sure she’d ever seen this side of Emily. Moe liked to joke all the time about Emily being kind of a player in college, but Lindsey never really believed it. It just didn’t seem like the Emily she knew, but now she wasn’t so sure. Maybe it was the alcohol, but Lindsey felt her own hips move against Emily’s, the pressure building between them, creating a tug low in her core. 

Lindsey wasn’t sure she had ever danced with someone like this. Sure, in high school, Jack tried to basically molest her at prom while forcing himself what felt like halfway down her throat. But she didn’t know any better back then, Jack was the only serious boyfriend she’d ever had. In France, she hooked up with guys every now and then, along with a few girls every so often, but never anything serious. 

She could feel the way Emily’s hands gripped her hips, the way her fingers had found their way under Lindsey’s sweater. Lindsey curled some wisps of blonde hair between her fingers before Emily stepped back. Lindsey couldn’t stop the whine that came out when they were separated, at the loss of contact. But Emily was still right in front of her, piling her hair into a bun. 

“Too hot.” She said, but the sound was drowned out by the music. 

Lindsey wasn’t sure if she liked Emily's hair better up or down. It was up about 90% of the time, so that was just normal, and comfortable. When Emily let her hair down, it was more like a special occasion. She liked it when Emily curled her hair just a little, but she also looked so good when her hair was pulled back or tucked under a baseball cap. 

Once her hair was secured, Emily’s hands found Lindsey’s waist again. This time, they went right for the skin under Lindsey’s sweater, pressing them somehow even closer together, which didn’t seem possible. She wasn’t sure if it was the bass that she felt or her own heart, beating out of its chest. 

“You’re not as bad a dancer as I thought you were.” Emily spoke right into Lindsey’s ear, teeth _just_ scraping her earlobe. Lindsey had to count to five before breathing again, not trusting her body to behave itself. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” She replied, her hand tracing the back of Emily’s neck, right where that tiny cross tattoo was. Lindsey didn’t even have to look, she knew where to find it, like she had Emily’s body memorized. Which she _didn’t,_ because that would be weird, right? To know where Emily’s birthmark was (on the outside of her right ankle), or where the scar from falling out of the tree house was (on the underside of her left elbow), and it would most certainly be weird to know about the aftermath of getting sun poisoning one time high on her upper thigh (a small cluster of freckles, just below her bikini line). To know things like that would be weird. 

“It _is_ a compliment, Linds.” Emily chuckled, her hands sliding around to Lindsey’s lower back, just above the waist of her pants. “I think the music helps you relax.” 

_You make me relax. You also make me_ _so_ _nervous._

Lindsey didn’t say anything back, she just closed her eyes and pressed her nose into the hollow behind Emily ear. She let her body take over, grinding her hips into her friend, letting the heat in her core make the decisions for her. She did feel relaxed, maybe it was the alcohol mixing with the smell of Emily’s perfume. Without thinking, she pushed her thigh between Emily’s legs, and, even over the booming music and the people all around them, she could hear the way Emily’s breath caught, the strangled sound she made as she moved. The way Emily pressed against it, impossibly close, made Lindsey feel good. Lindsey liked dancing this this. 

But that was all it was, dancing. Emily probably danced like this with a lot of people. Lindsey could picture her, in a frat house (not that Lindsey knew much about frat houses), her body wrapped around some other girl who would probably turn out to be straight by the morning, sweaty and breathing heavy. She could picture Emily in Australia, at some beach party maybe, swaying with some girl with tanned skin and toned abs. She remembered the way Emily danced with Kelley that night after the World Cup, like no one else was in the room. 

Lindsey hated that she felt jealous of her, but she saw the way Kelley looked at Emily sometimes, when she thought no one was watching. How she would squeeze Emily’s hands before a game, or how Emily would smack Kelley’s ass as she ran onto the field. Lindsey hated the way she felt when those two were together, how close they seemed to get, even if they were just planning a prank on Rose. Kelley was beautiful, anyone with eyes could tell you that. She was fun too, always making people laugh, just like Emily. Lindsey would never be Kelley, so self-assured and confident. Maybe Emily belonged with someone like that, someone who would build her up and tell her how amazing she was every day. She _certainly_ didn’t belong with someone like Lindsey, who constantly needed to be reassured and comforted. Being with Lindsey would be exhausting. Not that she thought about what it might be like if Emily did want her, because she _didn’t._

She lost track of time, just listening to Emily breathe in her ear. She realized the sound, the feel, was turning her on. Did Emily feel it too? Lindsey was about to tilt her head, potentially meeting Emily’s lips with her own, when some guy accidentally knocked into her back made Lindsey snap out of her trance. 

“Water.” She croaked, stepping back. 

Emily led her out of the crowd, promising to get her some water. Lindsey untangled their hands, pointing to the bathroom. Emily gave her a look; _do you need me to come too?_ Lindsey shook her head before heading off. 

Bar bathrooms were always gross, no matter where you go. Lindsey just needed a minute to compose herself. Was she about to try and _kiss_ her best friend? She ran her hands under the faucet, splashing a little cold water on her face, hoping to calm herself down a little. She looked at herself in the mirror, she was a mess. Her hair was mussed in all different directions, her eye make-up was starting to smudge from all the sweating, and her sweater was wrinkled, pushed up just a little. She pressed her hand to the fabric and the feeling of Emily’s hands sliding underneath came flooding back. 

*** 

Lindsey hated when Rose Lavelle was right about something. She was insufferable enough as it was, but now, if she found out, there would be no stopping her. Rose always swore up and down that Lindsey was low-key in love with Sonnett. Lindsey remembered the first time she had said it. It was about a year prior; they were sitting together at a team meeting. Well, they weren’t _supposed_ to be sitting together. 

“Move over loser.” Rose grumbled. 

“That’s Sonny’s seat.” Lindsey looked over at the seat next to her where she had laid her own pullover down to mark it as saved. 

“Well, your lover isn’t here yet, is she? You snooze, you lose.” Rose went around to the other side, flinging Lindsey’s jacket back in her face. 

“Excuse me? My what?” 

“Sonnett, your lover. Keep up, Lindsey.” 

“Sonny is not my... We’re not...” Lindsey was so confused. 

“Well, maybe not biblically, at least not yet.” 

“What the hell are you talking about?” She felt like Rose was reading the book, but Lindsey was a few chapters behind. 

“You. Sonny. You and Sonny. Sonny and you. Come on Linds, you’re not that blind.” 

“Rose, I have no clue what is going on right now.” 

“You love Sonny. You won’t admit it, but you totally do.” 

Lindsey blinked. “Of course, I do. She’s my best friend.” 

“First of all, rude. I’m your best friend. Secondly, you _love_ _her_ love her.” 

“What does that even mean?” 

“It means, dufus, that you want to kiss her. Maybe even more than kiss her.” Then Rose made a lewd gesture and Lindsey smacked her. 

“That’s not true! She’s my friend, that’s it.” 

“Whatever you say. Just know, she is too.” As if on cue, Emily burst through the doors of the conference room at that exact moment, scanning the room for a seat. She locked eyes with Lindsey, who was silently apologizing for Rose taking her seat. Lindsey felt her heart beat a little quicker when she looked at Emily. The banging of the doors must have startled her, it was _not_ because of who opened them. Emily found a seat next to Kelley and Lindsey shoulders slumped. “Yeah okay, sure. You’re totally not pining for her.” 

Lindsey smacked her again. 

*** 

Back in the bar bathroom, Lindsey was kicking herself for not seeing it, for pushing those feelings down. She wiped her hands on her jeans, not wanting to touch anything else in the room. As she stepped out, she immediately ran into something solid. 

“Whoa there, Linds. I knew you were excited to see me, but geez.” His voice sounded oily; he was definitely drunk. She stepped back and saw Jack, his eyes a little dark. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to.” 

She tried to maneuver around him, trying to get out of this hallway, get back to Emily, but he wouldn’t budge. Lindsey tried to push him out of the way, but he grabbed her wrists. “What does that dyke have that I don’t?” He leaned in to kiss her and Lindsey pushed herself as far back into the wall as she could. As he put his lips on hers, she shot her knee up as hard as she could, getting him right in the balls. Jack crumpled to the floor, groaning, and Lindsey ran as fast as she could. 

She ran past her brother and his friends, tears streaming down her face. She ran past Emily holding two cups of ice water, who called out after her, the words drowned by the music. Lindsey ran outside, the cold air hitting her like a shock. She sat down on the sidewalk, her back against the rough brick. Her breathing was shallow and quick, she was hyperventilating. 

“Lindsey!” She heard someone scream. She felt someone kneel next to her, but she couldn’t bring herself to turn and look. When a hand reached for hers, Lindsey flinched. 

“Don't touch me!” 

“Lindsey, hey it’s me. It’s me, it’s Sonny.” 

“Sonny?” She forced her neck to turn, to look into Emily’s eyes. They were almost electric blue this time, wide in terror and darting around Lindsey’s body like she was looking for a physical injury. Lindsey pulled Emily close, gripping her as tightly as she knew how, as if it was the only thing holding her together. 

“It’s me, baby. Shhh... it’s okay.” 

“Can we go home, please?” Lindsey pleaded. 

She explained what happened as her brother pulled his car around and Emily poured Lindsey into the backseat. They drove in silence back to the house, and Lindsey clung to Emily, their hands laced together. When they got home, Mike intercepted their parents so Emily could take Lindsey up to bed. She didn’t let go of Lindsey’s hand until the door closed behind them. 

Emily looked wrecked. Without Lindsey’s to hold, her own hands were shaking, and her eyes were watery. Seeing her like that, having such a visceral reaction to something that didn’t even happen to her, it created a weird sensation inside Lindsey. In that moment, and she couldn’t imagine how she ever missed it, all she knew was that she was hopelessly in love with Emily Sonnett. 

“Lindsey—” She got cut off when arms wrapped around her tight, faced buried in her chest. “Hey, hey, let’s get ready bed, huh?” She rubbed Lindsey’s back rhythmically, helping to slow her heart rate down, before pulling them apart again. Lindsey sat down on the bed, unmoving. It was like her brain was short-circuiting, she didn’t know what to do next. The adrenaline rush from before was wearing off and it felt like she was kind of in shock. She felt Emily fingers running deftly along the hem of her sweater. “Do you need some help?” Lindsey nodded, sticking her arms up in the air. 

Emily hooked her fingers under the maroon fabric and slid it up Lindsey’s body, leaving her in just her bra. “Do you want me to...?” It wasn't like they hadn’t seen each other naked before, they’d been sharing locker rooms for the last four years, but this felt insanely intimate. Lindsey reached behind her back and undid the clasps. Emily immediately turned around under the guise of searching for a sleep shirt. She gently pulled a soft tee shirt back over Lindsey’s head, smiling down at her. “Jeans on or off?” 

Instead of answering, Lindsey laid back onto the bed, exposing the button of her pants. She felt her own breath catch in her throat as Emily dragged them down her legs, leaving her completely exposed. Emily pulled the comforter down for her to climb into, and then covered her back up. She leaned down, likely to wish Lindsey a good night before going off to change in the bathroom, but then their faces were so close, so close that their noses brushed. For a moment, they just stared at each other, lost in each other’s eyes. She’s not sure where it came from, but Lindsey felt a sudden urge to go for it. She pushed herself up and into Emily’s space. Their lips were nearly touching, and then Emily pulled away abruptly. 

“Don’t.” Was all she said, shaking her head. 

“Em...” 

“I don’t want you to remember this night. I want you to remember the first time I kiss you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not totally happy with the ending of the bar scene, but I didn't want to turn it into something darker, so I hope you're okay with it. 
> 
> We're in it now! What did you think? Let me know your favorite or least favorite parts/lines. I'm thinking one more chapter and an epilogue. Happy Friday!


	7. you're my rock (my colorado)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Have you told her?”

When Emily came back from the bathroom, Lindsey pretended she was already asleep. Emily had done so much for her tonight; she deserved a little rest. Lindsey felt her slide into the bed, trying to be as quiet and gentle as possible. She pulled the covers back over them both and laid there. It felt very intentional that Emily wasn’t touching her at all, like she was worried Lindsey might still be upset about what had happened. Which, she _was_ , but it was for that reason that she needed Emily near her. It felt like an ocean between them and it made her anxious. She wanted Emily in her space, wanted to feel her warmth. In her “sleep”, she rolled over onto her side and snuggled against Emily's body. The rhythmic rise and fall of her chest and the way she stroked her hair, it felt like home. Like there was never anywhere else she would want to be besides in Emily’s arms. 

_“I_ _want you to remember the first time I kiss you_ _.”_ Had Emily really thought about kissing her? And she made it sound like something she wanted to do more than once. There was no chance Lindsey was going to fall asleep that night. And it wasn’t even really about Jack. There was no way she could sleep now that she’d realized how she felt about the person sleeping next to her. As the sun was starting to rise, and light was pouring in through the shades of her bedroom windows, Lindsey untangled herself from Emily's arms, heading downstairs. 

Her plan was to cook a nice, big breakfast for Emily. It was their last day in Colorado and she wanted it to be special. Emily had asked about going hiking, and Lindsey knew a trail not too far away that had beautiful views of the snow on the mountains. She tread lightly down the stairs, trying her best not to wake anyone up in the process. 

“You sound like a herd of horses coming down those stairs.” A voice called from the sunroom. Her Gran was sitting in the armchair that faced out to the backyard, snow-capped peaks just visible as the sun rose over them. “Why on Earth are you up so early? Aren’t you the granddaughter of mine that never got up before noon when she stayed with me?” 

Lindsey chuckled a little. “Couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d make Sonny and I some breakfast.” 

“Oh, my Lindsey. Are you trying to scare that poor girl away?” Gran sighed. 

“I’m not _that_ bad at cooking!” 

“I beg to differ. Do you remember when you asked to help make Thanksgiving dinner?” She said pointedly and Lindsey groaned. 

It was one of her family’s favorite anecdotes. A few years ago, Lindsey’s parents were hosting their whole family for Thanksgiving and it was expected that everyone pitch in. Lindsey had been assigned to set the table, but she wanted to help cook. No way would her mom let her near the turkey, so she asked Gran if she could make a dessert. 

Have you seen that episode of _Friends_ where Rachel thought she was making a trifle, but it ended up also half shepherd's pie? This was worse. Lindsey was allowed to work on the apple pie. She couldn’t go near the pumpkin, but the apple was okay. When it came time to eat, the family discovered Lindsey had accidentally dropped a whole cannister of cinnamon into it, thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal. She also hadn’t peeled the apples, because who has time for that? Since then, she hadn’t allowed anywhere near a stove at any family function. Emily never left her alone in the kitchen either and she didn’t even know this story! 

“That was one time, Gran.” 

“Once is enough. I can’t even look at an apple pie anymore.” 

Lindsey rolled her eyes. “I just wanted to do something nice for her. She didn’t have to come here, and I want her to know how thankful I am.” 

“I think that girl would follow you to the ends of the Earth if you asked her to. There’s no need to torture her.” Lindsey shook her head. “And don’t act like you wouldn’t do the same.” 

“Gran—” 

“Have you told her?” 

“Told her what?” Lindsey asked, confused. 

“That you love her.” Gran said, like it was the stupidest question Lindsey could have asked. 

“How– I don’t– I didn’t...” 

Gran motioned for Lindsey to come and sit next to her. She curled up in the matching chair, fingers nervously toying with the fringe on one of the throw pillows. 

“Why haven’t you told her yet?” Gran rested a hand on Lindsey’s arm. 

Lindsey didn’t even know where to begin. _Because she’s my best friend and I don’t want to lose her_ _._ _I can’t lose her._ _Because there’s no way she feels the same_ _._ _Because I’m scared. No,_ _because I’m terrified._

“I'm working on it.” 

“Well, work faster. People like her don’t come around often; you know.” 

Her comment made Lindsey smile. Because she did know that there was no one else in the world like Emily Sonnett. Not even the person she shared DNA with. No one else in the world could make her smile the way Emily could. No one else could make her feel as safe as Emily did. No one could make her laugh so hard she couldn’t breathe the way Emily could. 

“I know.” Lindsey smiled, more to herself than to her grandmother. 

“Darling, you are an incredible young woman. And I am not talking about soccer.” Lindsey felt herself blush. “You are so much more than what you have been through. I hate the idea of saying ‘you’re stronger because of it’ because that is a horrible notion. You have always been the strongest person I know. It takes a great deal of mental fortitude and sense of self to do the things you’ve done. But it’s okay to let the wall down every once in a while. Especially when someone like Emily is waiting so patiently at the door.” 

Lindsey felt her eyes getting watery. “Thank you, Gran.” 

“Here, take my card and go pick something up. No sense sending her home with food poisoning.” 

A few hours later, Emily walked sleepily into the kitchen, her eyes going wide. Lindsey had set out a smorgasbord on the counter. She had raided the coffee shop/bakery down the road from her parents’ house. 

“I didn’t make any of it, I swear.” She crossed her heart over her chest, which made Emily giggle just a little. 

*** 

“Linds, where are we going?” Emily whined as she climbed into the passenger seat. 

“It’s a surprise!” Lindsey said, repeating it for the tenth time since she announced they were going on an adventure. 

“Are we going to be outside? Cause I don’t think I have enough layers for that.” 

She couldn’t help but to laugh. Emily had on fleece-lined leggings, a sweatshirt, a parka, a hat _and_ a scarf. She looked like a burnt marshmallow and Lindsey thought it was the most adorable thing she’d ever seen. Emily was _always_ cold, no matter what. She said it was because of poor circulation, but Lindsey thought sometimes she just liked to complain. She lived in sweaters and long pants. Lindsey liked to joke that she was cold-blooded, like a reptile, and needed a heat lamp in her apartment. Even during games, when they were breathing heavy and sweating, Emily wanted a long sleeve jersey. She would tuck her hands into the sleeves during dead balls, trying to warm up her extremities. 

She _loved_ the sun, maybe more than most people. Emily thrived in the heat and the beach was her happy place. Lindsey wondered sometimes if she’d be happier living back in the south. Not that she wanted Emily to leave Portland, just that she might like a place where it wasn’t cold and rainy most days. 

“I think you have plenty of layers for what we’re doing.” 

“I don’t believe you, but okay.” Emily gave her a suspicious look before searching for the aux cord. 

The drive was about 20 minutes away, and Emily couldn’t _not_ have music playing. She hated silence; Lindsey knew that. Once she had picked out the perfect playlist, she leaned back against the headrest, looking out the window. Feeling brave for the first time in a long time, Lindsey reached across and took her hand, lacing them together to rest on the center console. Emily didn’t even turn to look at her, but Lindsey could tell she was smiling. She stroked Lindsey’s hand with her thumb, and it felt reassuring, like always. 

It only took two choruses of “are we there yet” before they pulled into the parking lot for the trailhead and Lindsey got out. 

“Welcome to Mount Falcon, Sonny!” 

Emily was grinning from ear to ear as she got out of the car. “Finally! Finally, a Colorado hiking experience! Did we really have to do it in the winter though? You know I’m not safe on snow.” 

“I think you’ll be just fine, Em.” Lindsey said, swiping Emily's hat and shoving it onto her head. 

It doesn’t go unnoticed when Lindsey calls her that. That nickname is always reserved for private moments between the two of them, like their own little secret. It was probably the cold that caused Emily's cheeks to flush, but Lindsey thought there was a chance it was her use of that nickname. 

She remembered the first time the name was used. It was way back in 2016. They had gotten close during the pre-season for the Thorns, but it was the Olympics that brought them together. Lindsey was worried that Emily being a practice player to her own field player would cause a rift between them. Emily deserved to be on that field and it made Lindsey's blood boil when the roster came out. But the opposite happened. Lindsey and Emily clung to each other, cementing their relationship. When the team lost, Lindsey was so angry and sad, she didn’t know how to handle it. She made her penalty shot, she had done her job, but it wasn’t enough. When they got onto the bus, Lindsey sat with her arms crossed defensively over her chest, staring out the window. Emily sat down next to her and didn’t say a word the whole way back to the hotel. Somewhere along the way, Lindsey rested her head on her friend’s shoulder. It wasn’t anything obvious, but the way that Emily was there for her, just sitting in silence, it meant something to Lindsey. 

“Thanks, Em.” She said that night as she crawled into her bed in their shared hotel room. 

She didn’t even ask what Lindsey was thanking her for. She just smiled weakly before turning off the lights. “You’re welcome.” 

The hike was a two-mile loop with a few amazing spots to look out over the mountains. It was refreshing for Lindsey to be the confident one, the one who was sure of herself, and, in this setting, she was. Emily was cautious, the same way she was about everything in life. She was used to the hills they call mountains in Georgia, walking the Appalachian Trail in the sun. But here, Lindsey was sure-footed on the rocks, avoiding patches of ice and leading Emily down the path. It was rare to find something Emily wasn’t good at, but she definitely wasn’t the best at hiking. 

“Lindsey, slow down!” 

“You wanted a mountain hike; you have to keep up!” She could hear Emily groan from behind her. 

“Don’t sound so pleased with yourself.” 

They walk around the old castle ruins near the top. Emily tried her hardest to sneak under the fence to get closer, but Lindsey caught her every time. The last time, she pulled Emily back by her hand, but didn’t let go. She wondered if Emily could feel the heat of the embrace through her thick gloves. If she could, she didn’t mention it, but she also squeezed Lindsey’s hand tighter as they kept walking. 

There was a lookout tower at the highest point of the trail where they could stand and see out over the mountains. Lindsey steered them into it and stood right at the edge. 

“This is one of my favorite spots in the whole world.” She smiled, looking over at Emily, who was still holding her hand. 

“It’s beautiful. Why is it so special?” 

“I don’t even really know; it’s just always been somewhere I could go when I’m feeling down.” Emily buried her face in Lindsey’s jacket. “Basically, it’s nature’s version of you.” 

Emily looked up her, brows furrowed in confusion. 

“I come here when I need to feel better. But most of the time, all I need to feel better is you.” This was the moment, Lindsey knew it. She knew that she didn’t want to go another day with Emily not knowing. She couldn’t hold it inside anymore. She realized the feeling had been there all along, and she had been doing everything in her power to ignore it and push it down. Not anymore. 

“Linds—” 

But Lindsey cut her off. “I mean it. You’ve always been there for me, Em. Even when you don’t realize it, you’re helping me. I hate that I need it sometimes, but you build me up.” Emily’s eyes were a little watery now. “You’re so incredible, Em, you’re so good. To me, to your friends, to your team, to everyone. And I hope I can be that for you sometimes. I know I’m a lot, but more often than not I’m just hoping I’m enough, and you always make me feel like I am.” 

“Lindsey.” Emily said sternly. “You are never too much.” 

“I know, but–” 

“No, no buts. I mean it, you are amazing. There’s is no one in the world quite like the Great Horan.” 

“Em, do you remember after the Sweden game?” 

“You mean the game where you scored the earliest goal in World Cup history? It might ring a bell.” 

That made Lindsey blush. “Do you remember afterwards though?” She watched Emily's face as she tried to recollect the memory Lindsey was talking about. 

They had a few hours of sleep at the hotel before they had to travel again. Kelley was passed out in her bed, snoring softly, while Emily and Lindsey were side by side in the other. They were sharing a pack of contraband gummy worms that Emily had hidden in her bag, giggling softly. 

Lindsey remembered thinking this must be what getting high feels like, not that she’d ever really know. One failed drug test and everything could come crashing down. But this feeling of pure joy, of weightlessness, it had to be something similar. She had scored _another_ World Cup goal. Most players dream of getting one, she already had _t_ _wo_! And Emily was cheering her on the whole time. She wished they’d gotten to share the field against Chile. Well, really, she wished that Emily had gotten to play more. She was the most deserving of it and to give her such a small amount of time to try and make an impact wasn’t fair. 

She didn’t remember falling asleep, but when she woke up, Emily wasn’t there, which didn’t make sense since they were in _her_ room. Lindsey looked across the way and saw Kelley was still dead to the world, the room quiet except for her snores. 

“Sonny?” She whisper-yelled, no response. 

Just as she was climbing out of the bed to head back to her own room, she heard the key card in the lock. Emily came through the door awkwardly, hiding something behind her back. 

“Where did you go?” Lindsey whispered. 

“A magician never reveals her secrets.” Emily grinned devilishly before revealing what she was hiding. 

She pulled a small, paper plate from behind her back with two tiny cupcakes sitting on it. They were topped with a thin layer of vanilla frosting and each had a little sugar gold star resting on top. 

“Sonny! Where did you... how did you?” 

“I told you, I can’t reveal my secrets. Two desserts for two World Cup goals.” Emily smiled mischievously, looking into Lindsey’s eyes. 

Back on the hiking trail, Emily giggled at the memory. That night, Lindsey had stayed over, and they woke up tangled in each other. Or rather, they were woken up by Kelley waving an empty wrapper in their faces, wondering what happened to her dessert. 

“Okay, well do you remember Utah?” 

Lindsey froze. They never talked about what happened in Utah, no one ever talked about it. Lindsey blamed Becky Sauerbrunn for starting it all. The ninja skills she used to score that goal must have rotated the Earth on its axis or something. Lindsey knew how upset Emily had been about her red card. It was deserved, she knew, but it was still tough. 

And Lindsey, Lindsey was livid about the aftermath. Emily never even questioned the foul; she knew what she had done. There was no need for Amy to come in like a chihuahua with a Napoleon complex and attack her. The things she said, the personal attacks on Sonny and her skill, Lindsey was honestly surprised it didn’t end in a fist fight. She was actually proud of her self-restraint when the incident first happened, but then all hell broke loose again. 

Amy made a comment about how there was no way Emily would make the Olympics, how that was the only footage Vlatko needed, and Lindsey saw red. Honestly, she expected a red card for it, she had come to terms with it, she knew she was lucky to get away with just a yellow. Pushing her into the ground felt validating. There’s no way someone would get away with talking about Sonny like that around Lindsey. 

Tobin told Sonny later about what happened. Out of the moment, Lindsey felt embarrassed that she felt the need to defend her best friend and couldn’t face her right away. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget Utah.” 

Emily stepped closer to her. “I never thanked you.” 

“For what?” Lindsey scoffed. “For almost putting our team down two players?” 

“For defending me. For protecting me.” 

Lindsey held her breath for a moment. “It was nothing.” 

“It absolutely was something!” Emily replied indignantly. “Linds, you could have gotten a red card. Mark could have benched you anyways. God, Merritt was probably furious. You didn’t have to do that. I deserved that foul, and I—” 

Lindsey didn’t let Emily finish. She couldn’t wait any longer. Suddenly, she cupped Emily’s cheeks and crashed their lips together. She could tell Emily was surprised by the way her body tensed, but it only took a second for her to melt into it. 

People like to say that kissing the love of your life should feel like fireworks, like the world is standing still in that moment. But Lindsey didn’t feel any of that when she kissed Emily. No, when she kissed Emily, everything was quiet. Not in the sense that the Earth had stopped moving, but in the way that everything inside her stilled. Her brain wasn’t going a million miles an hour, wondering if she did the right thing. Her heart wasn’t beating out of its chest. She felt more at peace in that moment than she had in a long time. That was how she knew this was right. 

She's brought out of her thoughts when Emily slides her tongue along Lindsey’s bottom lip, requesting access, as if she could deny her anything. She wasn’t sure how long they stayed tangled together, but she only pulled away once she couldn’t hold her breath any longer. When they separated, Emily rested her forehead against Lindsey, breathing deeply. 

“I was supposed to kiss you first.” She chuckled, breathlessly. 

“Well, you took too long.” 

“I promise, it’ll never happen again.” Emily said as she pressed their lips back together, looping her arms around Lindsey’s neck. “Linds, I—” 

For the second time that afternoon, Emily was cut off. “I love you, Em. I’m not totally sure when it started and I’m a fool for taking five years to realize it, but I am so completely in love with you.” Lindsey rambled before turning to the lookout post and shouting to the mountains. “Do you hear that world? I am in love with Emily Sonnett!” 

At first, Emily just stared at her in disbelief, which terrified Lindsey. _Oh, God, s_ _he doesn’t feel the same._ _Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life?_

But then, she saw the corners of Emily’s mouth tick up. She stepped in front of Lindsey and made her way to the edge of the lookout. “Boneless wings are just chicken nuggets!” She screamed. “Oh, and I’m in love with Lindsey Horan!” 

They walked back down the trail hand in hand. Lindsey guided Emily slowly over any terrain that was icy or steep. Even if just for a moment, it was nice be leaned on. Emily was always helping Lindsey, guiding her through life. So, in this small moment, Lindsey felt like maybe she was repaying the favor just a tiny bit. 

When they got back to the car, Emily made to open the door, but Lindsey pulled her backwards and into another embrace, the kiss softer, almost featherlight. 

“What was that for?” Emily asked, a dreamy look across her face. 

“Because I can. Because I wanted to.” 

*** 

The next morning, Lindsey carried her bag down the stairs. They had an Uber coming to take them to the airport in a few minutes. She said her goodbyes to her parents and tried to find her brother, who was mysteriously missing from the house. Her Gran was waiting in the living room for her. 

“I take it you did what I told you to.” She said, a hint of a smile playing across her face. 

Lindsey couldn’t help but blush. "Maybe.” 

“I’m proud of you, my sweet girl.” Lindsey wrapped her grandmother in a tight hug, though not too tight because she was tiny and fragile. 

As she waited for Emily to bring her bags down, Lindsey saw her brother pulling into the driveway in a car she didn’t recognize. 

“Sweet, ride’s here!” Emily called from the top of the stairs. 

Lindsey looked her, quizzically. “That’s Mike, not an Uber driver.” 

“I know. He picked up the rental for me.” 

Now Lindsey was really confused. “What are you talking about?” 

“I cancelled our flight back home. We’re roadtrippin’ baby!” Emily exclaimed. 

“What?” 

“I thought it would be fun to drive back to Portland together!” She was smiling but Lindsey could see the tiny bit of fear behind her eyes, worried that her surprise was a mistake. 

“Em, that’s like an 18-hour drive!” 

“I know! So much fun to be had! And Kelley said we could stay at her apartment overnight. It’s empty while she’s in DC.” Emily waggled her eyebrows a little suggestively and Lindsey blushed. 

“Well, you better have a plan to keep me entertained or I will fall asleep on you.” Lindsey joked. 

“Oh, don’t you worry, Linds.” Emily said, brandishing her phone in her hand as she walked down to Lindsey. “I downloaded every single Harry Potter audiobook. You’re getting an education on this trip.” She stopped when they were face-to-face. 

Lindsey pulled her close, pressing their lips together sweetly. “I may take back that ‘I love you’ by the end of this trip.” 

“Well, you’ll have read Harry Potter so at least I will have been your most influential and culturally relevant relationship.” She giggled and Lindsey kissed her again before leading them to the car. 

An hour into the trip, Lindsey rested her head against the window, holding Emily’s hand in her lap. “Are we there yet?” 

“We’re almost there and nowhere near, all that matters is we’re going.” 

Lindsey snorted. “Wow, you’re corny.” 

“But you love me, so it’s okay.” Emily smiled, squeezing Lindsey’s hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The big moment is here! I really hope you guys enjoyed, this chapter in particular was really fun to write. Please leave a comment to let me know your thoughts, I love hearing them! We have an epilogue left so be on the lookout! Happy Friday!


	8. she is love (she is all i need)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You are so lucky I love you.”

_2020_

“What do you think of these?” Emily’s voice was a little tinny through the phone, holding up two nearly identical white t-shirts. 

“Is this a trick question?” Lindsey cocked one eyebrow. “They are the same shirt, Em.” 

“Not true! Can’t you see? This one’s sleeves are different.” She said as if it were obvious. 

“Baby, they are identical. Which is fine, you look good in a white tee.” 

“It must be the stupid FaceTime screen messing everything up.” Emily’s face fell a little before she turned to hang the clothes back up. 

“How many days?” 

“Ten. We can do this!” 

2020 had made every other year in Lindsey’s life feel like a cake walk. First came the trade. In hindsight, while it seemed like the end of the world at the time, compared to now it seemed like a cake walk. Olympic qualifying felt like years ago by now. When they were first told to quarantine back in March, everybody seemed to think it would all blow over in a few weeks, a month tops. 

Fast forward to November, and it had been over six months since they'd seen each other in person. It had all seemed like it was going to work out okay. Having to wait until the end of June was going to be tough, but not impossible. They’d been away from each other for longer than that, but they weren’t dating then. 

They had it all planned out. After the Challenge Cup Emily was going back to Portland for the rest of the summer. They had worked it out with the Thorns, so that she could fly back with Lindsey from Utah. They were even okay with the fact that they wouldn’t be allowed together until the tournament was over. At least they’d be in the same hotel. The same _state._ With Emily being so far away from her, Lindsey’s anxiety remained at its peak for a majority of 2020. It finally seemed like things were looking up. 

But, as always, life wasn’t that simple. 

Lindsey was pretty sure she’d never forget the way Emily’s voice sounded that night. So small, so defeated. Lindsey knew she was doing everything in her power not to cry, at least not in front of her girlfriend. Emily had done everything right. She hadn’t left her apartment other than for practice in nearly a month. The only people she had physical contact with were her teammates. And, of course, they were the ones that shot it all to hell. 

All Lindsey cared about was Emily’s health and safety. Thankfully, she tested negative and was medically just fine. Mentally, though, maybe not. Emotionally? Definitely not. It took three days but then the floodgates opened up. She called Lindsey while she was waiting in the airport for her flight to Utah and lost it. Lindsey separated from the group and found a quiet corner. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be like this. I just miss you, and I miss soccer.” 

“Em, say the word and I won’t go. I’ll get in my car and drive to Georgia right now if that’s what you want. If that’s what you need.” 

She shook her head violently. “No, you’re going to kick ass in that tournament and I’m going to watch. I might spend a little time watching _your_ ass but really, that’s your fault. Those white shorts leave little to the imagination.” Emily smirked; her eyes still red-rimmed from crying. It was kind of amazing how easy it was for them to talk the other down off the ledge. 

In late July, not long after the Challenge Cup ended, Emily got an opportunity she couldn’t pass up. 

“They want me in Sweden.” She said, trying to gauge Lindsey’s reaction through the phone. “This team needs defenders and I need playing time. Linds, if I don’t play, I might as well kiss the Olympics goodbye. We don’t know If there will be more league games and I can’t wait for 2021, I just can’t.” Her bottom lip was trembling ever so slightly. 

“Of course, you have to go.” Lindsey said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“But... you’re not mad?” 

“Sonny, why would I be mad? This is your career we’re talking about.” 

“We haven’t seen each other since March. I won’t be back until early December.” 

“So, we’ll have a big Welcome Home slash Happy Birthday Sonny party. Socially distanced, of course.” 

“Linds...” 

“I mean it, don’t worry about me. This is something you have to do, for _you.”_

Back in her bed, Lindsey watched Emily hang up more of her clothes, she had just finished the laundry and was telling Lindsey about the fancy Swedish coffee maker she had in her apartment. Little did she know, Lindsey’s suitcase was packed by the door of her own apartment. 

It had taken a while to plan, but she had made all the arrangements. She had called Emily’s agent and some of her teammates who helped her get set on a flight and a car into town. She was scheduled to arrive in time to see Emily’s last home game for her team. Leaving them a week together before they flew back to the States. 

Lindsey kind of felt like she was being a jerk the next two days. She barely responded to Emily's messages and said she wasn’t able to FaceTime with her, stating she was busy. But she couldn’t let Emily see her in an airport, and she didn’t trust herself to not let it slip in conversation. 

**_Dasani:_** _is everything okay?_

 **_Linessi_** ** _:_ ** _Yeah! All good here, just stupid busy. Maybe we can talk tonight?_

 **_Dasani:_** _i'd_ _like that_

 **_Dasani:_** _love you_

 ** _Linessi_ : ** _Love you more_

Sweden was freezing. Lindsey thought Portland and Denver were cold, it was nothing compared to this Scandinavian tundra she was met with upon leaving the airport. She thought about Emily, who was always cold, and realized she hadn’t been joking last month when she said she bought three new heavy coats. Lindsey wrapped herself tightly in her jacket and scarf and climbed in the cab. She dropped her bags off at the hotel room she had gotten. She wasn’t totally sure it would get used but she didn’t want to bring her suitcase to Emily’s game. 

Her team won 3-0 and Emily had even gotten an assist. When the final whistle blew, Lindsey made her way towards the field. She made eye contact with one of the other players, who then called out to Emily. When Emily saw her, it was like she was cemented in place. She let out a strangled cry and Lindsey ran to her. They collapsed together on the ground, laughing mixed with crying. 

“You’re really here?” Emily said, though it came out more like a question. 

“I’m really here, Em.” And then Lindsey kissed her, the first kiss they’d shared in nearly eight months. 

*** 

_2022_

“You cannot be serious right now.” 

“I know it doesn’t happen often but yes, I’m serious!” 

“Sonny. In no way, shape, or form, is Bagel better trained than Ferguson. Do you _not_ remember what happened to my Louis Vuitton belt?” 

“Hey, that’s your fault for spending $600 on a freakin’ belt. She was just reminding you of the dangers of capitalism.” 

Lindsey just stared at her girlfriend, who was standing in their kitchen trying (and failing) to get both dogs to sit for a treat. Bagel was jumping up on her hind legs, hoping to steal the treat out of Emily's hand. Ferguson was snuffling at her feet, hoping she’d drop the treat or that there was some scrap of food that hadn’t been cleaned up after dinner. 

“I don’t remember you having that attitude when she destroyed that pair of sneakers you liked.” 

Emily shot up to glare at Lindsey. “We don’t talk about that, it’s still too soon.” 

“it was like six months ago.” Lindsey snorted. 

“There isn’t a road map for grief!” Emily exasperated. 

Lindsey reached out her hands from her spot on the couch, motioning Emily to come sit with her. She gave up on trying to get the dogs to sit and gave them their treats anyways. Emily sat down next to her girlfriend, stealing the blanket that was covering her. 

“Hey!” Lindsey whined. “Get your own!” 

“They’re all still in boxes. We really didn’t think this whole moving thing through.” Emily pulled the blanket over both of them, but still making sure she had more. 

“Em, it’s been three days. We’ll unpack more tomorrow.” Lindsey rested her head against Emily shoulder. “We can find some way to make it into a game.” 

“Yes! I’m going to beat you so bad.” 

“You don’t even know what the game is!” 

“Doesn’t matter, I’ll win.” 

“Loser has to unpack and organize all of our shoes.” 

“You’re on!” Emily chuckled. 

After the Olympics, there was an expansion draft in the NWSL for the new Atlanta team and Emily asked to be left unprotected so she could finally be back home. She never really liked Florida, not that she even played there much, and moving on was the right thing for her. It took a lot of negotiating, because who wants to let go of the world’s best player, but Lindsey managed to request a trade to Atlanta the next year. 

They had lived in Emily’s loft apartment for a few months until they found a perfect little Cape Cod home just outside of downtown. That way, Emily could finally have a garden to grow things other than a few herbs. Plus, it had the most gorgeous, fully updated kitchen. Not that it mattered to Lindsey, since she still hadn’t gotten any better at cooking. The dogs had a yard and there were two spare bedrooms, though Rose had already claimed one of them as _hers_. It had only been three days since they moved in but eating Emily's homemade banana-nut waffles in the morning on the deck was already by far her favorite thing about the house. 

That night, the two of them fell asleep on the couch, the theme song to some sitcom playing in the background. The next morning, they awoke to find Bagel had ripped the new comforter off their bed and had torn it to shreds. 

“You are so lucky I love you.” Lindsey said through gritted teeth, glaring at Emily. 

*** 

_2023_

They didn’t win the World Cup, in fact, they got knocked out in the quarter final. Lindsey was beside herself, taking the blame squarely on her shoulders. _That’s what a captain does, right?_

Since they were together, it was against team policy for them to room together. Still, Emily bribed the new girl who got stuck with Lindsey to switch rooms. It wasn’t all that difficult, not that Emily was surprised. She could hear the way her girlfriend was throwing things around in the room and there was a little fear in her teammate’s eyes. She closed the door quietly and watched Lindsey throwing her clothes into her suitcase, not really checking to make sure they made it. 

“Linds...” Her voice was quiet, attempting to soothe. Lindsey spun around and glared at whoever had come into the room. When she saw who it was, her entire body visibly relaxed. Her hard glare turned into a trembling bottom lip. She tore across the room, bear hugging Emily so tight she could barely breathe. “Hey, hey, it’s okay! Everything is okay.” She gently ran her hand through Lindsey’s blonde hair. 

“Everything is _not_ okay, Sonny! We lost! We fucking lost, why aren’t you mad about this?” 

“I mean, I’m sad. But I know I did well and that’s what matters. You played so well, baby, that goal was incredible. It just wasn’t our night.” 

Lindsey just buried her face in Emily's shoulder, trying to calm herself down. They walked over to Lindsey’s bed, where her girlfriend curled into her, all but laying directly on top of her. Just like she had so many times before in an attempt to help Lindsey feel safe and secure. 

Her anxiety has gotten better over the years, especially now that Emily was with her pretty much every minute of every day, but sometimes it took hold of her. She loved being captain of the national team, but sometimes it felt like a heavy burden. Everyone’s eyes on her, waiting for her to screw up, waiting for her to lose it. Emily was always there to talk her down, to remind her of how good she was. Sitting there with her brought Lindsey peace. 

A long time later, barely able to keep her own eyelids from drooping, Lindsey tried to stir the sleeping person in bed with her. 

“Em, it’s past curfew. You’re not supposed to be in here.” 

All Emily did was groan at being woken up. “Can’t move. Too comfy. Tired.” she yawned. 

“You know the rules. The captain especially can't be caught breaking them. No girlfriends overnight.” She pinched Emily’s side as gently as she could, eliciting a harsh whine. 

“Well then, marry me already.” 

Lindsey stiffened. “What?’ 

Emily rolled over so that she could face Lindsey properly. “Marry me so I don’t have to get up.” 

“And that’s the only reason?” 

“Well, I kind of like you. Most of the time, anyways. I wouldn’t mind if you stuck around.” She grinned like the Cheshire Cat. 

“Emily, are you being serious?” 

“I hadn’t planned it for this moment, but yeah.” Lindsey inhaled sharply. “Hang on.” Emily slid out of the bed and ambled over to her backpack. She pulled out a small, velvet-covered box and climbed back into the bed. “I was hoping we’d win, and the I could do the grand, romantic gesture, but I think maybe this is better.” 

Lindsey opened the tiny box and found one of the biggest diamonds she’d ever seen. “Em...” She breathed. “This is too much.” 

“For my favorite person in the world? Lindsey, I would give you the moon if I could. I love you so much and I can’t wait to marry you, to have kids with you, to traumatize those kids when they accidentally walk in on us having sex with you, grow old with you, I want it all. Plus, if I wasn’t around who would feed you?” 

“Well, when you put it like _that_...” Lindsey snorted. 

“Marry me, Lindsey.” 

“You know, it usually is supposed to come in the form a question.” 

“What is this, Jeopardy?” Emily threw her hands up in the air as she sunk back into the pillows. 

“Come on, Em. For me?” Lindsey knew _just_ how to get Emily to cave. 

Emily let out a semi-aggravated groan before facing her again. But then, her face was soft, and she smiled as she took Lindsey’s hand in hers. “Lindsey Michelle Horan, it would be the greatest honor of my life to spend the rest of it with you. I didn’t know that it was possible to love someone as much as I love you, and I fall deeper and deeper every day you’re around. Will you please, please, _please_ , with a cherry on top, marry me?” 

Lindsey Horan had never been mistaken for or claimed to be a patient person. But if it meant hearing Emily speak, hearing how much Emily loved her, Lindsey was pretty sure she’d let her go on all night. 

When Emily was finished, Lindsey kissed her. She rolled over and pressed Emily into the bed underneath her. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s alright with me.” She grinned. 

_@lindseyhoran10:_ _I guess I’ll keep her around_

_@emilysonnett: stuck with me now_ _bby_

_@emilysonnett:_ _since_ _i'm broke, ur my sugar mama_

_@roselavelle: Wilma is available to officiate_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all she wrote, folks! This epilogue was a little shorter than previous chapters but I hope it was okay.
> 
> Thank you all so so so much for your praise and love for this work, it really does astound me. Fear not, I'll hopefully be back soon, though I'm not exactly sure when. I have an idea that's been stuck in my head but it's still very much in the planning stage. I will be continuing my Emily/Kelley story while working on this new one. Thank you all again!


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